Popular jokes (10696 to 10710)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The Volkswagen and the Rolls
A man in a Volkswagen Beetle pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: “Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?”
The guy in the Rolls says, “Yes, of course I do.” “I got one too… see?” “Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice.” “You got a fax machine?” “Why, actually, yes, I do.” “I do too! See? It's right here!” “Uh-huh.”
The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen says, “So, do you have a double bed in back there?” And the guy in the Rolls says, “NO! Do you?” “Yep, got my double bed right in back here… see?!”
The light turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in the back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Volkswagen.
He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it. The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Volkswagen.
The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out. The guy in the Rolls says, “Hey. Remember me?” “Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?” “Check this out… I got a double bed installed in my Rolls.”
“AND YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!
Smarter than he seems...
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.
They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel -- they said, because it was bigger.
One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger or what?"
Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've saved $20!"
Bloopers from Sunday School Students
Irish Pub Jokes
Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields.
Murphy said, "Where are we now?"
The guide said, "We're in the great state of Texas."
"It's a big place," said Murphy.
The guide said, "It's so big, that your County Kerry would fit into the smallest corner of it."
And Murphy said, "Yes, and wouldn't it do wonders for it!"
Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'. Diamond asked him to explain what it meant. He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done to-morrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?" The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish. "No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency.", replied Brennan.
The Buddha's Vacuum Cleaner
Q: Why did it take the Buddha forever to vacuum his sofa?A: Because he didn't have any attachments.
The angry wife met her husband
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek."I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is." he replied, "Breakfast."
Little Johnny walks into his d
Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a condom. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?"
His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed."
Little Johnny replies, "What are you gonna do -- screw him?"
One Line Zingers
- If Cain and Able were Siamese twins, would they be Cable?
- Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
- The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.
- "I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.”
- Warning notice at a seminary swimming pool: “First-year students are only allowed to walk on the shallow end.”
- "If absence makes the heart grow fonder,” said a minister, “a lot of folks must love our church.”
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
Funny jokes-No charge
Joey says, "Do you mind telling me the charge officer."
The cop replies, "No charge to you. It's all part of the service."
