Popular jokes (10726 to 10740)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Send my luggage....
Passenger to Airline Ticket Agent: I want my brown suitcase sent to Los Angeles, my green suitcase sent to Kansas City, and my tan suitcase sent to New Orleans.Ticket Agent: I'm sorry, sir; this flight is to Nashville. We can't do that.
Passenger: Why not ? You did it last time.
There was a blonde driving in
There was a blonde driving in the country side when she went around the corner and saw an ocean of wheat fields. Then she saw a blonde in a row boat frantically paddling. The blonde driver yelled out, "Hey! It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name and if I knew how to swim, I'd swim out there and kick your ass!"Playing the Guitar
When I was a kid, I wanted to play the guitar badly.
And after years of hard work, practice and dedication, I can now play the guitar... badly.
King Solomon's Menagerie
A Sunday school teacher asked little Susie, "Who's your favorite person in the Bible?"Susie said, "King Solomon.""Can you tell us why?""Because he was so nice to ladies and to animals.""What do you mean?""He had six hundred wives and three hundred porcupines."- Joke shared by Beliefnet member ArkansasannieWhy are some fish at the botto...
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?17 how to be be Politically Correct Jokes
How to be Politically Correct when talking about Men (Or Army Men)
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He does not have a beer gut...
He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.(regular guys)
He has a personal war reserve stock.(army guys)
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He is not quiet...
He is a Conversational Minimalist.
He is a SAMS grad.
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He is not stupid...
He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.
He is a field grade.
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He does not get lost all the time...
He discovers Alternative Destinations.
He gets temporarily misoriented.
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He is not balding...
He is in Follicle Regression.
He has a REALLY squared away high and tight.
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He is not a cradle robber...
He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.
He is breaking the new fraternization policies.
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He does not get falling-down drunk...
He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.
He practices his IMTs in the club.
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He is not short...
He is Anatomically Compact.
He suffers from a Napoleon Complex.
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He does not have a rich daddy...
He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion.
He has the Army as a hobby.
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He does not constantly talk about cars...
He has a Vehicular Addiction.
He must be a Transporter.
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He does not have a hot body...
He is Physically Combustible.
He is a PT stud.
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He is not unsophisticated...
He is Socially Challenged.
He is a Ranger.
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He does not eat like a pig...
He suffers from Reverse Bulimia.
He eats like a Ranger student at Pizza Hut.
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He is not a bad dancer...
He is Overly Caucasian.
He is from the Muddy Boots Army.
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He does not hog the blankets...
He is Thermally Unappreciative.
He is a Blue Falcon.
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He is not a male chauvinist pig...
He has Swine Empathy.
He must be combat arms.
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He is not afraid of commitment...
He is Monogamously Challenged.
He loves TDY.
Avocado's Number: The amount of particles in a guaco mole.
What does that mean?
One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the woman a bitch and the woman called the man a bastard.Their son walked in and said "whats that mean?".
The parents told him it meant ladies and gentlemen.
The next day the parents decided to have sex, the woman said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".
Their son walked in and asked "whats that mean?" and the parents said it meant hats and coats.
On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "shit" he said, the kid came in, "whats that mean?" and the man said that it was the brand shaving cream he was using.
Downstairs the mom was preparing the turkey and she cut herself with the knife, "fuck" she said, once again ther kid came in and said "whats that mean?"
The mom said thats was what she was doing to the turkey, then the door bell rang and the kid answered the door to see his relatives for thanksgiving, the kid said, "alright you bastards and bitches, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is down here fucking the turkey!
Two husbands were discussing t...
Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. The Chad said, “I’ve made one great discovery. I know how to always have the last word.”“Wow!’ said Sherman, “how did you manage that?”
“It’s easy,” replied Chad. “My last word is always ‘Yes, Dear.’”
An Extremely Loyal Football Fan #joke #football
There was a Packers fan with a really terrible seat at Lambeau Field. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat.When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?"
The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan."
The other man replied, "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"
The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
Is There A Way To Thank You?
"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles."My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question."
There Was Life Before The Computer
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a broken disk,
It would hurt when you found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut--you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
Cheerleaders Vs. St. Peter
A high school cheerleading squad were in a bus that shot off a cliff killing all onboard... Don't laugh yet!
When they got to heaven they were met by St. Peter at the gate.
He asked the first girl if she had done anything with any boys, and she said to St. Peter that she had held a boys hand, so St. Peter told her to wash her hands in the holy water before entering heaven.
St. Peter then asked the second girl the same question, and she said she had kissed a boy, so Peter told her to wash her lips in holy water before entering heaven.
Then Peter noticed two farther back in line girls arguing over their position in line.
Peter asked the girls what was going on, and the one girl said to him,
