Popular jokes (10876 to 10890)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
My friend knows that a bon mot
My friend knows that a bon mot is like a secret magical password. ‘Oh, pun!', says ami.Where Do You Want to Go?
The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven!" they all piped up.
"And what do you have to do to get there?"
They said, "Be dead!"
Signs of the times...
A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.
When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. The man thought that was great.
A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked over and signed "Now cut that out! I warned you!" and threw the group out of the bar.
The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, "If I told them once I told them 100 times - NO SINGING IN THE BAR!"
Dog Track
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."'
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.
"Your dog called last night."
Two antennas met on a roof, fe
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent!Lol
Doc, I think I'm a bridge.' 'What's come over you?' 'So far, three cars, a truck and a bus.The four stages of life....
1. You believe in Santa Claus2. You don't believe in Santa Claus
3. You are Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus
And a day was born...
God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth."
Angel: "What are you going to do now?"
God: "Call it a day."
Ronald McDonald in a N*dist Colony
Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a n*dist colony?A: Look for sesame seed buns.
You see....
During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.
The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say....
"You see, it IS vanishing cream!"
Kyle Kinane: Not a Hobby
At this age, its really not a hobby, its just a drinking problem now.Goat for dinner....
This young couple invited their parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their young son what they were having.
"Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth. "Are you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'"
Sleeping in the barn
A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down.Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds.
They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn.
After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn.
A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the hidu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow.
Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered. a few moments later, a knock on the door.
The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork.
Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn.
A few moments later there was a knock on the door.
It was the cow and the pig!!!
