Popular jokes (11326 to 11340)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Groom's Day
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding.“But, Officer,” the man protested, “I can explain.”“Be quiet,” ordered the officer. “You can sit in jail until the chief gets back.”“But, sir, I just wanted to say—““I told you to stay quiet! You’re going to jail!”A couple of hours later the officer checked in on the man and said, “You’re lucky that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a great mood when he gets back.”“I doubt that,” answered the prisoner. “I’m the groom.”Adult jokes-Feeding the Yak
The Yuppie is confused and asks the old loafer what he meant.
The old loafer says that none of them had any action for a long time and up in the hills, a Yak is the closest one could get to a woman.
The Yuppie understood and started for the hills. When he returned to the monastery after a week, the Head Monk asked him how the Yaks were doing. The Yuppie did not say anything but kept smiling. The Head Monk then asked him if he had fed all the Yaks properly, The Yuppie replied that he had forgotten to feed them.
The Head Monk got emotional and burst out, "You Yuppies are all the same, screw you Yak, I am all right!"
Fairy Tale Beginnings
How do you start a fairy tale in the modern era?
"If elected, I promise..."
Half-fare rate for...wives?
Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.
Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.
Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
“Do you know why exec
“Do you know why executioners never take on apprentices? They always get a head of themselves.”
We want to strike Acco...
We want to strike Accord with anyone who's ever crashed their Honda.Situational Awareness Scenario...
Situational Awareness ScenarioYou are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a drop-off and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
(Answer below)
Answer:
Get off the children's merry-go-round, you're drunk.
Jesus and Moses playing golf
Jesus and Moses were teeing off on a 149 yd par 3, with water hazard.
Jesus pulled out his wedge and hit his first ball into the water;
"I don't understand", he said, "I saw Arnold Palmer hit a wedge to the green on this same hole yesterday!"
Again he dropped a ball on the ground and repeated the shot with the same results....
Moses said,"Get a longer iron or you'll never make it across"
Jesus dropped another ball to the ground and repeated the swing dropping the third ball in the water short of the green.
"That was my last ball!" Jesus remarked as he walked across the water fishing for his lost balls.
A foursome approached the green and one man replied, "Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?"
Moses replied, "He thinks he Arnold Palmer"
Hannibal Lecter has an rong
Hannibal Lecter has an eat a face complex.College Rules
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"
