Popular jokes (14731 to 14745)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A woman was sitting at a bar e...
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house."
#joke
Say It With Flowers.....
A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read "Say It With Flowers."
"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist.
"Only one?" the florist asked.
"Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words."
#joke #short
Hilarious jokes-Retiring Accountant
A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day's work. After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation. His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message: "Debits in the column toward the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window."
#joke
A police officer was investiga...
A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on.One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the road!"
After gathering as much information as possible, he angrily approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage. The police officer asked, "That old lady says that you wouldn't let her have her half of the road. Why not?"
In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road --- if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!"
#joke #policeman
The Search for a Pastor During Bible Times
Dear Member,We do not have a happy report, as we have not been able to find a suitable candidate for pastor of our church thus far. We do, however, have one promising prospect. The following is our confidential report on the candidates:Adam: Good man, but has problems with his wife.
Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with no converts. Prone to unrealistic building projects.
Joseph: A big thinker, but a braggart. Interprets dreams. Has a prison record.
Moses: Modest and meek, but poor communicator; even stutters at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly in business meetings.
Deborah: One word—female.
David: The most promising candidate of all, until we discovered the affair he had with a neighbor’s wife.
Solomon: Great preacher, but serious woman problems.
Elijah: Prone to depression; collapses under pressure.
Jonah: Told us he was swallowed by a huge fish.
He said the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up.
Amos: Backward and unpolished.
With some seminary training, he might have promise; but he has a problem with wealthy people.
John: Says he’s a Baptist, but doesn’t dress like one. Sleeps in the outdoors, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders.
Paul: Powerful CEO type and fascinating preacher.
But he’s short on tact, unforgiving with young ministers, harsh, and has been known to preach all night.
Timothy: Too young.
Judas: His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We’re inviting him to preach this Sunday with great hopes that he will accept our offer!
#joke #animal #fish
f a telephone rings in an empt...
f a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone.#joke #short
“The orthopedist went
“The orthopedist went back to school to bone up on new surgical techniques.”
#joke #short
A teenage boy and his grandfat
A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"
Grandpa replies, "Nope."
Teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"
Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."
Two buddies were sharing drink
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one."Well, not exactly." his friend replied, "she's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well, not exactly - I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."
Drunk on a bus
A drunk gets on a transit bus. The driver, impatient while the drunk fumbles in his pocket for change, drives off. As the bus starts rolling, the drunk reacts to the sudden movement by stumbling all the way to the back of the bus. The bus stops at the next stop. He reacts by stumbling to the front of the bus. Still the man is fumbling in his pockets for change. The bus jerks forward once again, and the drunk stumbles uncontrollably to the back of the bus. Next stop, the same thing happens. Every time the bus stops, the man would stagger to the front. Every time the bus starts, he staggers uncontrollably to the back. A few stops later the drunk exits the the bus from the front.
"Hey", shouts the bus driver... "You didn't pay your fare yet!"
The drunk, reeling, shouts back "And I'm not going to!..... I walked all the way!"
#joke
“The liquor store was
“The liquor store was burgled with no sign of a break in, no fingerprints and only spirits were taken. Police suspect it was a polter-heist.”
#joke #short #policeman
Arj Barker: Overwhelmed at the Shoe Store
There are so many types of shoes. Theres so many categories, and I really have no idea what type of shoe I need at any given time. And I go in there -- I find it a little bit overwhelming. Welcome to the shoe store! What are you looking for? Are you looking for walking shoes? Well, uh, Id like to have that option. Hopefully, theyre adjustable. I mean, Id like to be able to turn them up to other settings, as well.#joke
