Popular jokes (14821 to 14835)

The boozer took careful aim at...

The boozer took careful aim at the bird, but hit a frog. He picked it up, studied it, scratched his head and said, “Well, anyhow I knocked its feathers off.”

Supper

This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper.

Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. “I can't believe you're aking me about supper right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself.”

So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea.

The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, “You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?”

“Huh? I thought you were out of town.”

Hilarious jokes-Firing squad

How was your golf game, dear?

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife.
"Well I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went."
"Well you're 75 years old now, Jack, why don't you take my brother Scott along?" suggested his wife.
"But he's 85 and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," his wife pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.
"Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"I forgot."

Uninvited Guest...

A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax. After awhile a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello, Luv, how about us going for a walk together?"

"How dare you!" said the woman, "I'm not one of your cheap pickups!"

"Well, then," said the beggar, "what are you doing in my bed?"

ATTORNEY: So the date of con...

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!

Did you hear about the cowboy ...

Did you hear about the cowboy who wore paper pants, a paper shirt, paper boots, and wore a paper hat?

The Sheriff arrested him for rustling.

In the words of Julius Caesar,...

In the words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face.

If you want to become a good m

If you want to become a good magician you ought to pocus on your craft.

Two drunks were in a bar party...

Two drunks were in a bar partying like fools. They were drinking boiler makers, buying rounds like there was no tomorrow. They were dancing, calling each other "professor," and generally causing quite a stir. When asked why such a celebration, they boasted that they just finished a jigsaw puzzle & it only took them 2 months! "TWO MONTHS?!" cried the bartender. "That's ridiculous. It shouldn't take that long!!"
"Oh yeah?" says one drunk. "The box said 2-4 YEARS!"

A Joke of Little Value

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

I was going to give you a pig

I was going to give you a pig but I didn't want to boar you.

An employment interviewer for

An employment interviewer for a big company in London was talking to an attractive young woman applying for a job.
Looking over the application form, the interviewer noticed that the girl had not answered one important question concerning transportation to and from work, as she lived outside the city.
"What about your bus line?" the interviewer asked her.
"I don't believe I mentioned it," came the pleased reply, "but it's a 36C."

The magician nonchalantly stab

The magician nonchalantly stabbed his assistant, displaying remarkable slayed offhand.

If you make a bull pun I’

If you make a bull pun I'll call you a cow word.