Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (661 to 675)

A Penny For Your Thoughts

What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for his thoughts?

Change.

TGIF

A businessman got on an elevator in a building. When he

entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and

she greeted him by reciting the letters, "T-G-I-F."

He

smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked at him,

puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again.

He acknowledged her

remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was

trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and

said, as sweetly as possible, "T-G-I-F" another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a

quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde finally

decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F,

Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"

The man answered,

"S-H-I-T: Sorry Honey, It's Thursday."

100 Pounds of Dynamite

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have!"

He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."
He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!" The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"

Repair Job

A blonde was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a dreadful hailstorm. The hailstones were as big as golf balls and her car got dented up very badly.

The next day, she takes the car to a repair shop to have the dents looked at.

The repair guy, noticing that she is blonde and pretty flaky, decides to have some fun and tells her to blow into the tailpipe of the car really hard when she gets home, and that doing so will cause all of the dents to pop out.

When she gets home, she starts blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she can, over and over. Just then, her best friend -- who also is blonde -- shows up. Her friend sees her blowing into the tailpipe and is quite startled by the action. She blurts out: "What are you doing?"

She tells her the repair guy told her to blow into the tailpipe real hard and the dents would pop out.

Her girlfriend says: "Duh! You need to roll up the windows first!"

A blonde was hard up for money...

A blonde was hard up for money, so she walked around her neighborhood, trying to find a job.
She met a nice man who said he would give her work. All she had to do was paint his porch white. He gave her a bucket of paint and left.
He walked into his house, laughing. He told his brunette wife what he had done. "Frank, our porch covers half of the house! You're so mean." his wife replied. Three hours later, the blonde went in the house, and gave the bucket of white paint back to the man.
The astonished man handed her a $100 bill, and asked how she finished it so quickly.
"It takes time, but it was easy." was her reply. "Oh, and it's a Ferrari, not a Porsche."

Gilbert Gottfried: Old Man Confession

An old Jewish man walks into a church. He goes in the confession booth, he says, Forgive me father, I have sinned. I was working in my tailor shop, a girl came in -- couldnt have been more than 19 years old, blonde hair, great body. All of a sudden I started f**king her and theres f**king and sucking and fooling around for three hours. And the priest goes, Youre Jewish, why are you telling me this? And he goes, Telling you? Im telling everybody.

Smart Blonde

A blonde got tired of everyone treating her like she was dumb so she decided to dye her hair brown. She went out and about in the world to prove that she was smart. She came upon a sheep farmer and thought it would make the perfect opportunity to show off her brains. The now brunette blonde asked the farmer if she could have one of his sheep if she could correctly guess how many sheep there were. The farmer looked at his sheep that were jumping and running about and thought to himself "that would be impossible" so he allowed her to guess. After a few minutes, the woman correctly guessed the number at 129. The farmer was amazed so he let her pick one of the sheep. The woman walked into the middle of the heard, picked up a fuzzy little critter and walked back to the farmer. The farmer smiled at her and said "If I can correctly guess what color your hair is can I have my dog back?"

Horsing Around

What does a gay horse eat?

Haaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

A Blonde walks into a Restarau...

A Blonde walks into a Restaraunt, and she goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. The blonde is looking at the bulletin board and she sees a piece of paper that sais "Ocean Cruise Only 5$" She pulls the piece of paper off the wall and goes to the address listed on the back of paper. She walks into the building and hands the secretary the piece of paper. The secretary nods and asks if she had the five dollars. The blonde nods and pulls five dollars out of her pocket and hands it to the secretary. The secretary looks over to a burly black guy reading a news paper. She nods to the black guy. He stood up and nocks the blonde unconcious. When the blonde wakes up she's tied to a log and is floating down river. She started to think that this was a bad idea. When she sees one of her freinds (who is also blonde) tied to a log floating right next to her. In a Joking manner blonde she looks at her freind and says "So do you think they're going to serve us some food on this trip?"
The other blonde replies "They didn't serve any last year."

A blonde and a redhead met in ...

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!'
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.'
The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.
So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'.
The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!'

Funny jokes-Shooting some cans

Potatoes!

One night there was three fugitives escaping from jail. One was blonde, one was brunette and the other was a red-head. They had the police hot on their trail and quickly thinking the brunette points out an old, abandoned factory perfect for hiding in. When all three were inside the red-head, quickly thinking said they should all hid in old potatoe sacks in the corner as they could hear the police approaching the factory. They all got in their little potatoe sacks and barely a minute later the police came crashing through the door. They looked at the sacks and said 'Hmm maybe they are hiding in these' The officer kicks the Red-head's sack and she makes whimpering noises. 'Hmm just puppies in that sack' The officer kicks the Brunette's sack and she makes mewing noises. 'Hmm just kittens in that sack' He says. He finally kicks the blonde's sack and he hears....

'POTATOES POTATOES!'

A blonde male

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!"

The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"

The third, a blonde male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.

However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "I have to laugh when I think about it", he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece."

"I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least five boxes of condoms with her. She doesn't even have a penis!"

Submitted by Frodo

Edited by Curtis

To jump or not to jump

A blonde and a brunette were watching the news and they had someone on who was about to jump off a building.

The brunette says "I bet u he will jump."

The blonde says "ok".

Later on he jumps.

When the brunette is leaving she says "I can't take your money, I saw it happen already on the 5 o'clock news."

The blonde says "I did too but i didn't think he would jump again."

Office jokes-Always bad news