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Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (766 to 780)Jokes about blondes. These are funny jokes with blondes! These are the jokes listed 766 to 780. |
blonde getting a haircut
A blond was rollerblading with her headphones on. she stopped in the hair salon and asked for a hair cut. she instructed that the hair stylist could not take off the headphones.the stylist replied "no" so the blond left. she went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. the stylist replied "ok".
after a while, the blond fell asleep in the chair. the stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on the spot. confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones. they were saying, "breath in, breath out"
Question and answer blond jokes
Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade four.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
You An Internet Addict?
You Might Be An Internet Addict If...
- You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.
- Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.
- Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.
- You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
- You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"
- Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.
- You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
- Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
- All of your friends have an @ in their names.
- When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
- Your dog has its own home page.
- You can't call your mother... She doesn't have a modem.
- You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
- Your phone bill is a heavy as a brick.
- You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
- You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
- Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months
- You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
- You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.
- You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
- Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
- You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."
- You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.
- The last girl you picked up was only a GIF.
- You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
- Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
- As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
Cliff side accident
After a bizarre cliff side accident, all eleven members of the women's outing found themselves hanging perilously from a rope over the edge of the cliff.Ten of the women were blondes and one was a brunette.
After dangling there for a only a short while it became obvious that the rope would not hold all their collective weight.
They decided that to prevent the rope snapping and killing them all, one of them must sacrifice themselves and let go, to save the others.
Well, they talked about it for a while but no one could decide a fair way of choosing who should jump.
Finally, the brunette, exasperated by the indecisiveness of the blondes, could see that if nobody acted soon the rope was going to snap.
To save the others she bravely decided that it must be her who made the sacrifice.
She plucked up a little courage and told the others that she would jump to save them.
After giving a short but very moving speech that she hoped would be remembered after she'd gone, the blondes were so moved that they all started clapping!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
First Experience Horse Riding
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
Hospital
A redhead, brunette, and blonde are all in the hospital waiting to give birth.The redhead turns to the brunette and says, " I was on top so im going to have a girl"
The brunette looks at the redhead and says " Well i was on the bottom so i'm going to have a boy".
All of a sudden they both hear snifflin, and turn to look at the blonde and she is crying and bawling her eyes out, and they say " Whats the matter honey?"
The blonde says with a sad face " I'm gonna have puppy's!!"
25 Gallons of Milk
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my eyes."
A blonde couple was delighted ...
A blonde couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Japanese?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".
Another Drink
When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said, "No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink.""Why is that," the host asked?
Her reply... "Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks ...anyone can!"
Football FINALLY makes sense. . .
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience."Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!
Blonde Dials 911
A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries.The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes."
Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again.
"Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
Natural Blonde Paint
A new paint store just opened up by my place, so I decided as any red-blooded, sexually repressed young lad to pay it a visit. When I went in I saw signs all over advertising the newest color: "Natural Blonde". There weren't any samples around, so I asked the clerk to describe it to me.
He replied, "Natural Blonde? Wonderful new paint: not too bright, but spreads easily!"
