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Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (811 to 825)Jokes about blondes. These are funny jokes with blondes! These are the jokes listed 811 to 825. |
Talking during sex
A young married woman (Blonde) was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend. The girlfriend asked, "Do you talk to your husband when you're making love?"She thought about it a minute then said, "Well, no. But I could. I mean he has a cell phone and all now."
You Know you are Addicted to t...
You Know you are Addicted to the Internet When...· You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved, and you don't have a clue when it happened.
· Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
· All of your friends have an @ in their names.
· Your dog has its own home page.
· You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem.
· You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
· You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
· You get a new suit that says, "This best viewed with Netscape 4.01 or higher."
· The last girl you asked out was only a jpeg.
· Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
A woman wants the inside of he...
A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to get started. They stroll through the house and she points out the colours she wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like a nice beige."The contractor mutters, "Umm, hmm...", pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"
Perplexed, the woman lets it slide as they continue into the next room. "Now in the dining room I'd like an off white, bright and airy." The contractor nods, makes another note on his pad of paper, then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up"!
The homeowner is even more perplexed but she let's it slide. They move into the next room. She says, "Here in the bedroom, I'd like blue; a peaceful, cool blue."
The contractor nods, "Yea, OK, that's fine", writes a note... Yet again, he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up"!
Finally overcome with curiosity, the woman has to ask, "Every time I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window 'Green side up.' What on earth does that mean?"
The contractor shakes his head and says, "Oh, that... I've got four blonds laying turf across the street."
Blonde Lumberjack
A blonde travels to Canada to seek her fortune as a lumberjack. She meets a foreman of a logging organization who offers to give her a job."Now, I hope you realize we expect you to cut down at least 100 trees a day," the foreman told her.
The blonde woman didn't see this as a problem, so she went out with the Chainsaw and did her best. She came back drenched in sweat.
"Geez lady, how many trees did you cut down?"
asked the foreman.
"6" she replied.
"What!? You have to do better than that. Get up earlier tomorrow!" So she did. Out she went with the chainsaw, she came back that night exhausted.
"How many this time?"
asked the foreman.
"12" she said. The foreman says, "That does it. I'm coming out there with you tomorrow morning!" The next morning, the foreman reaches the first tree and says, "This is how to cut down trees really quickly."
He pulls the rope on the chainsaw and it gives off a loud BRRRRRRUUUMMM. He notices the blonde is looking at him frantically, so he asks her what's wrong.
And she replies, "What the hell is that noise?"
Holes
Norris and Fallon died in a hunting accident. Norris goes to heaven and Fallon goes to hell.One day Norris looks down at Fallon in hell. Fallon has a beer in his hand and a blonde on his lap.
Norris gets pissed off so he goes to God and says, "What is this shit? I think I want to go to hell! Just look at my friend down there."
God says, "Look closer, the beer has a hole in the bottom and the blonde doesn't."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
Comfortable
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.
They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'
The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, 'It's just 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull.'
Blonde Game
A blonde is on a plane sleeping when the guy next to hersays, "Let's play a game." She looks at him and tells him the
she doesn't want to and she just wants to sleep, but he keeps
bugging her until she agrees.
He tells her that he will ask her a question and if she
can't answer, she owes him $5.00, then she asks him a
question and if he can't answer, he owes her $50.00. So he
asks, "Who was the last person to sign the Declaration of
Independence?"
She quietly hands over a $5 bill. She asks, "What goes up a
hill with 4 legs and down with 5? He has no idea so he gives
up and gives her $50.
The blonde turns back around and goes back to sleep.
Not 2 seconds later, he wakes her back up and asks, "What
was the answer?"
Quietly, she reaches into her purse and gives the guy a
$5.00 bill.
The elevator...
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially two shiny walls that could move apart, and back together again.
The boy asked his father, "What is this father?"
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady, limping slightly, and with a cane, slowly walks up to the moving walls, and presses a button. The walls opened, and the lady walks between them, into a small room. The walls closed.
The boy and his father watched as small circles of lights with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up, in reverse direction now. The walls opened up again, and a beautiful young blonde stepped out...
The father said to his son, "GO GET YOUR MOTHER!!!"
A girl came skipping home from...
A girl came skipping home from school one day."Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl asked.
"Yes, It's because your blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See?
A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, It's because your blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy Mommy!" she yelled, "We were in gym class today, and when we were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm Blonde, Mommy?"
"No Honey, Its because you're 24."
the funniest blonde joke
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
As a trucker stops for a red l...
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door.
The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
