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Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (1171 to 1185)Jokes about blondes. These are funny jokes with blondes! These are the jokes listed 1171 to 1185. |
Blondes working on a house
Two blondes were working on a house. The onewho was nailing down siding would reach into
his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss
it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other,
figuring this was worth looking into, asked,
"Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first explained, "If I pull a nail out
of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw
it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed
toward the house, then I nail it in!"
The second blonde got completely upset and
yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward
you aren't defective! They're for the other side
of the house!"
A blonde joke
An...
A blonde joke
An Irishman, an Aussie and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Aussie opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Steak again! If I get steak one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blonde opened his lunch and said, strasburg again! If I get a strasburg sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Aussie opened his lunch, saw steak and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the strasburg and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Aussie's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him ham & cheese! I didn't realise he hated steak so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He made his own lunch.
A guy was running for an eleva...
A guy was running for an elevator and he stuck his hand in to stop the doors, and the doors opened. Inside stood a blonde. He said, "Good morning, which floor are you going to?"She responded, "3rd floor." He pushed the 3rd floor button, plus the 5th floor for himself.
As the elevator started moving the gentleman struck up a conversation and asked the blonde where she was going. She said, "I'm going to the blood bank on the 3rd floor; I donate blood once a week for $10 to supplement my income." Then she asked the gentleman where he was going.
He responded, "I'm going to the sperm bank on the 5th floor; I donate sperm there once a week for $50 to supplement my income".
The next week the same scenario happens. He stopped the elevator doors with his hand, the doors opened and the blonde was standing inside. He smiled and greeted her and asked if she was going to the 3rd floor?
The blonde responded in a garbled tone (as if she had something in her mouth), "No 5th floor first."
New windows
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with expensive double panel energy-efficient kind.This week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year ago and I had yet to pay for the window replacement.
Boy oh boy, did we go around!
Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
I proceeded to tell him that his fast talking sales manager had told me at the time of installation that in one year the windows would pay for themselves.
There was silence on the other end of the line so I just hung up and I haven't heard from him since.
Guess I won that argument.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Our Stupid Apartment
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony."Help, help!" yells one of the blondes.
"Help us, help us!" yells the other.
"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde.
"Good idea," said the other.
"Together, together!"
There were three Women strande...
There were three Women stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated that it was about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore."
She swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve."
She attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette. She swam out 10 miles before she even got tired.
After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it!" "I think I'd better try to make it, too."
She swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island.
The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
Slot machine winner
A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"
A little frivolity to g...
A little frivolity to get you going...
1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' Is it common? ' "It's not unusual."
13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? ""No, because he's really heavy"
14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."
15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
There was a guy riding through...
There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been traveling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel.He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it. He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said, "If you fix our car we will do anything you want."
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr."
After thinking for a short while he replied, "Could you hold my camel?"
