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Doctor jokes - jokes about doctors (31 to 45)

Doctor jokes - jokes about doctors (31 to 45)

Jokes about doctor. These are funny jokes with doctors! These are the jokes listed 31 to 45.

It is easier to start Monday with these new short jokes

What do you get if you combine Potassium, Nickel and Iron?
A KNiFe.

I programmed a pirate game, but users said, the main character looks not enough like a pirate.
There will be a patch soon.

How much room does fungi need to grow?
As mushroom as it takes.

I visited my doctor today, he told me that I’m going deaf.
That was difficult to hear.

One day a housework challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?” “It depends,” she replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
Proudly he yelled back, “Chicago Bears!”

Where is the best place to sell a used chess set?
At a pawn shop.

#joke #doctor #monday #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 9.38/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #56 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Have a god Friday with short new jokes

I once went to a fancy dress party as a loaf of bread...
The birds were all over me.

I was at the doctors yesterday, and he said, "I'm afraid your results don't look too good."
"Why is that doctor?" I asked.
He said, "My printer has run out of ink!"

Did you hear about the constipated accountant...?
He couldn't budget..
So he worked it out with a pencil.

How do you get 100 math teachers into a room in which only 99 fit?
You carry the one.

A Mobius strip walks into a bar, sobbing.
The bartender asks, "What's wrong?"
The strip replies, "Where do I even begin?"

What’s blue and doesn’t weigh much?
Light blue.

I just passed my drug test...
My dealer has some explaining to do!

#joke #doctor #walksintoabar #friday #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

World Hypertension Day jokes

World Hypertension Day is observed every May 17th in order to raise awareness and promote hypertension prevention, detection and control. Raise awareness with these jokes.

Why did the skeptic suffer from high blood pressure?
He was taking everything with a grain of salt.

My doctor just prescribed me blood pressure medication
it was a tough pill to swallow

Russian health tips
-"For better digestion ,I drink beer, for low blood pressure I drink red wine, for high blood pressure Cognac and for colds Vodka. "
-"And what about water?"
-"I don't think I ever had such an illness....

A man walks into a hospital ward and starts inspecting all of the bed charts.
A doctor notices this and says, "Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"
The man ignores the doctor and continues, now taking everyone's blood pressure.
"Sir, I'll ask you again", says the doctor, "why are you here and what are you doing?"
Ignoring the doctor again, the man then begins to take everyone's blood and starts processing it through the hospital's examination equipment.
"Right!" Shouts the doctor. "Now you're testing my patients!"

#joke #WorldHypertensionDay #doctor #beer #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Stomach problems

A man goes to the doctor complaining about stomach problems, and he asks him what he's been eating.
"I only eat pool balls," he says. "Red ones for breakfast, orange and yellow ones for lunch, blue for afternoon snacks, and black and purple for dinner."

"I see the problem," says the doctor. "You're not getting enough greens."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Few new short jokes for Friday

I just changed my computer login password to "Alcatraz" and now the "Esc"button won't work?

My wife left me because of my addiction to touching pasta.
Now I’m feeling cannelloni…

I love my job.
Wife: But all you do all day is round up cows.
Farmer: What did you say to me?
Wife: You herd.

I am joining a secret society of electrical engineers. They just asked me to step into a large coil with a battery attached.
This is their current induction process.

Does anyone know how to get peanut butter out of hair?
I made myself a sandwich earlier.

When my father died, he wanted his ashes pressed into a record. It was his vinyl request.

I went to the doctor because every time I opened my eyes, I vomited everywhere.
He looked me over and said it was the worst case of see sickness he’d ever encountered.

#joke #short #doctor #friday
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

Picking leaves .. and few more short jokes

I'm an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water.
It's my special tea.

“I have a split personality” said Bob, being frank.

My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath.
But I can’t even finish drinking the hot bath.

I don't own a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into!

I asked my boss, "Can I get a couple of weeks off for Christmas?"
"It's May," he said.
I said, "Sorry. May I get a couple of weeks off for Christmas?"

#joke #short #doctor #christmas
  • Currently 9.44/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (9)

35 safe short jokes and puns

1. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
Because it was two-tired!

2. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus!

3. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole-in-one!

4. Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed!

5. What do you call a group of musical whales?
An orca-stra!

6. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!

7. Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems!

8. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!

9. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!

10. What is the skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A trombone!

11. Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby?
She was a little horse!

12. Why was the belt arrested?
For holding up a pair of pants!

13. How do you organize a space party?
You planet!

14. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because it felt crummy!

15. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick!

16. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison!

17. Why did the chicken go to the seance?
To get to the other side!

18. What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs?
A condescending con descending!

19. How does a train eat?
It goes chew-chew!

20. Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!

21. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!

22. What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!

23. Why did the scarecrow become a motivational speaker?
Because he always found a way to lift people’s crops!

24. What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeño business!

25. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it!

26. Why did the crab never share?
Because he was shellfish!

27. What do you get when you cross a computer and a lifeguard?
A screensaver!

28. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t peeling well!

29. What do you call a cow that can play an instrument?
A moosician!

30. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
Arrrrrrrr!

31. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!

32. What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador!

33. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, bud!

34. What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ Catholic!

35. What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I’m changing!!

#joke #doctor #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

International Jazz Day Jokes

April 30th is International Jazz Day! Check some related jokes:

St. Peter in Heaven is checking ID's. He asks a man, "What did you do on Earth?"
The man says, "I was a doctor."
St. Peter says, "Okay, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a school teacher."
"Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?"
"I was a musician."
"Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen….."

A jazz musician goes to the doctor to hear the results of a physical check up.
Doctor: I'm afraid I've got some bad news. You only have three weeks to live.
Musician: On what?

What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist? The rock guitarist plays 3 chords for 1,000 people, the jazz guitarists plays 1,000 chords for 3 people.

PIANIST: "OK, I'll Remember April. First six bars in Ab. Bar 7 modulate down to F. Bar 12, back up to Ab but in 7/8."
SINGER: "That's crazy! I couldn't possibly do that!"
PIANIST: "You did last night . . . "

A couple goes to see a marriage counselor. They say their marriage is on the rocks because they never speak to each other.
The counselor tries to get them to talk, but they just sit there with their arms folded and their mouths closed.
So he pulls out his upright bass and starts taking a solo.
Instantly, the couple turns to each other and starts conversing for the first time in months.
Shocked by this, the couple asks the counselor: "How did you know that would work?"
"Simple," he says, "Everyone always talks during the bass solo."

What would you have to do to make a jazz musician feel bad about their playing?
Absolutely nothing.

#internationaljazzday

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

30 Earth Day Jokes! Celebrate Earth Day of 2023

April 22nd is Earth Day! Take care of earth! Earth Day of 2023, find event and join!

1. Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green.

2. Why are people always tired on Earth Day?
Because they just finished a March.

3. How can you tell the ocean is friendly?
It waves.

4. Why is grass so dangerous?
Because it’s full of blades.

5. Why did the sun go to school?
To get brighter.

6. How do you cut a wave in half?
Use a sea saw.

7. What did the tree wear to the pool party?
Swimming trunks.

8. What did the ground say to the earthquake?
You crack me up!

9. What kind of shorts to clouds wear?
Thunderwear!

10. Why do tornadoes zigzag?
They’re dizzy.

11. Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.

12. What’s the difference between weather and climate?
You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate.

13. What kind of plant grow on your hand?
Palm tree.

14. What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
You have to been careful not to step in a poodle.

15. What is a tree’s least favorite month?
Sep-timber!

16. What’s the biggest moth in the world?
A mammoth!

17. What did the little tree say to the big tree?
Leaf me alone!

18. Did you hear about the power plant that was bad for the environment all year?
He got coal for Christmas.

19. What did one lightening bolt say to the other??
You're truly shocking!

20. Mother to son: "You shouldn't always lounge around so lazily on the couch!"
Son: "I'm doing something for the environment — I'm saving energy!

21. What is a tree’s least favorite month?
Sep-timber!

22. What did the tree wear to the pool party?
Swimming trunks.

23. How can you tell the ocean is friendly?
It waves.

24. A climate scientist and a climate change denier walk into a bar.
The denier says, nice to see you.
The climate scientist says, nice to CO2.

25. If I ride my bike twice
… does that count as RE-CYCLING?

26. "I'm vegan, by the way," says a vegan. "Oh, probably out of your love for animals?" a friend replies. "No, out of plant hatred, pure plant hatred!"

27. Freedom for the gummy bears! Away with the plastic bags!

28. What kind of bow can't be tied?
A rainbow!

29. How do hurricanes see?
With one eye!

30. My teacher wanted me to come up with a set of steps that we could use to save the environment …
So I created an Al Gore-ithm.

#joke #doctor #christmas #earthday #earthday2023
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Best Car on the market

Best Car on the market - A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market ... - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Dog playing piano

It is World Piano Day!

A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm and sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him. The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed."
The man says, "But this is a special dog – he plays the piano!"
The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay... and have a drink on the house!"
So the man puts the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart... and then he plays some rock 'n' roll. The bartender and patrons are amazed.
Suddenly, a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out. The bartender asks the man, "What was that all about?"
The man replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."

#joke #doctor #walksintoabar #worldpianoday
Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Trying to Please Mama

The first woman was elected U.S. president. She called her mom to make sure she was coming to the inauguration. "I don’t know, dear. What would I wear?”"Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll send a designer to help you.”"But you know I need special foods for my diet.”"Mom, I’m going to the president. I can get you the food you need.”"But how will I get there?”"I’ll send a limo, Mom. Just come!”"OK, OK, if it makes you happy.”The great day came, and Mama was seated with the future cabinet members. She nudged the man on her right. “See that girl, the one with her hand on the Bible? Her brother’s a doctor!”
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

You have 10

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says: "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."

"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man: "How long have I got?"

"You have 10," the doctor says sadly.

"What do you mean, 10?" the man asks: "10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!"

"Nine, eight...."

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 9.18/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (17)

Insomnia

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination but found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him.

"Listen,” the doctor said, “if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."

"I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (11)

An HMO Manager at the Pearly Gates

Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven.
St. Peter asked them to identify themselves
. One doctor stepped forward and said, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities."
St. Peter said, "You can enter.
"The second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves."
St. Peter also invited him in.
The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care."
St. Peter said, "You can come in, too.

"But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You can stay three days. After that, you can go to Hell."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

Jokes Archive

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