Drinks jokes (256 to 270)Jokes about drinks. These are the jokes listed 256 to 270. |
A guy sees an advertisement in...
A guy sees an advertisement in a pet-shop window: "Talking Centipede $100."The guy goes in and buys it. He gets home, opens the box and asks the centipede if he wants to go for a beer.
The centipede doesn't answer, so the guy closes the lid, convinced he's been swindled. Thirty minutes later he decides to try again.
He raises his voice and shouts, "Do you want to go for a beer?"
The centipede pokes his head out of the box and says, "Pipe down! I heard you the first time. I'm putting on my shoes!"
To impress his date, the young
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered."We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.
"Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner."
Please Show The I.D.
The following supposedly a true story.
This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give the scotch to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off of the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
#joke #policeman #drinks #scotch
The Japanese eat very little f
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than theBritish or Americans.On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewerheart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacksthan the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewerheart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion:
Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
#joke #drinks #wine
Good dentist
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide togo to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How didyou figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"
#joke #drinks
6 Funny Christmas Jokes
"What do you call Santa’s most impolite reindeer?"
"Rude-olph."
"What street in France do reindeer live on?"
"Rue Dolph."
"How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh and reindeer?"
"Nothing, it’s on the house!"
"What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked up in the sky?"
"Looks like rein, deer!"
"Why doesn’t Santa use reindeer milk in his coffee?"
"He’s on a non-deery diet."
"What kind of money do reindeer use?"
"Bucks!"
A diner was agitated that the
A diner was agitated that the waiter had brought him no spoon with his coffee. "This coffee," he said loud enough for most of the other patrons to hear, "is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers."The waiter reddened, made a hasty retreat to the kitchen and returned shortly with another cup of coffee.
"This one isn't so hot, sir," he beamed.
#joke #drinks #coffee
What, you ask, is "Butt dust?"
What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy init! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot andone for cold milk?"
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied shewas so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don'tremember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five tosix ."
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you somuch that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She triedin vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Momexplained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her.Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it'sme?"
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Pleasedon't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do Icost?"
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging andkissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked hisdad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Momasked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happenwith this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The mannamed Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but hiswife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, Jamesasked: "What happened to the flea?"
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, ratherwrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and thenasked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particularSunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extendedtoward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, weare but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my veryobedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audiblyin her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
Alex, a widower, went to a sen
Alex, a widower, went to a senior citizen's dance. There he met Ruth, a woman also advanced in years. Alex and Ruth danced every dance together.Afterward, they went out for coffee. As they walked home, Ruth said, "You remind me of my fourth husband."
Alex said, "Really? How many times have you been married?"
Ruth said, "Three."
#joke #drinks #coffee
