Food jokes (2221 to 2235)Jokes about foods. These are the jokes listed 2221 to 2235. |
Knock Knock Collection 029
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Burton!
Burton who?
Burton in the hand is worth two in the bush!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Bush!
Bush who?
Bush your money where your mouth is!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butch!
Butch who?
Butch your arms around me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butcher!
Butcher who?
Butcher money where your mouth is!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter!
Butter who?
Butter bring an umbrella, it looks like it might rain!
#joke #food #butter
There was an elderly couple wh...
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"Bee Inconspicuous
Two bees ran into each other. The first bee asked the other how things were going."Really bad," said the second bee. "The weather has been really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I can't make any honey."
"No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fruit."
"Thanks for the tip," said the second bee, and he flew away.
A few hours later, the two bees ran into each other again. The first bee asked, "How'd it go?""Great!" said the second bee. "It was everything you said it would be."
"Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee.
"That's my yarmulke," said the second bee. "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."
A dietitian was once addressin...
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago:"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."
Q. When is a retiree's bedtime...
Q. When is a retiree's bedtime?A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Q. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but it might take all day.
Q. What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
A. There is not enough time to get everything done.
Q. Why don't retirees mind being called senior citizens?
A. The term comes with a 10% discount.
Q. Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
A. Tied shoes.
Q. Why do retirees count pennies?
A. They are the only ones who have the time.
Q. What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
A. NUTS!
Q. Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
A. They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Q. What do retirees call a long lunch?
A. Normal
Q. What is the best way to describe retirement?
A. The never-ending Coffee Break.
Q. What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
A. If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Q. Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
A. He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
Getting tough...
My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.
One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulders muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, he would extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.
After awhile, he tried 10-pound potato sacks, then 50-pound potato sacks. Finally, he got to where he could lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute!
Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.
#joke #food #potato
Jewish and Chinese Beginnings
"The Jewish people have observed their 5758th year as a people," the Hebrew teacher informed his class. "Consider that the Chinese have observed only their 4695th. What does this mean to you?"
After a reflective pause, one student volunteered, "Well, for one thing, the Jewish people had to do without Chinese food for 1063 years."
#joke #food
A Doctors Lecture
A Doctor was addressing a large audience. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."
A group of Canadians was trave...
A group of Canadians was traveling by tour bus through Holland.As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced.
She then asked, "What do you do in Canada with your old goats that aren't producing?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours."
It's that time of year to take...
It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercising the brain is as important as exercising muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk"
What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks , what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why the heck are you still reading these??? If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West Germany , or no man's land"?
Answer: You don't bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on . In Swansea , three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!! Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!
Up For Grabs
Three ministers are talking over lunch and before long find themselves discussing how much of the weekly offering is appropriate to keep and how much to give to the Lord.The first minister says, "I just draw a line on the floor, put one foot on both sides, and throw the money into the air. Whatever lands on the right side of the line is God's and whatever lands on the left is mine."
The second minister notes that he uses a similar method, but "I use a small coffee table when I throw the money in the air and whatever lands on the table goes to the Lord and whatever lands on the floor is mine."They both contemplate each other's answer and finally turn to the third minister who is sitting there without saying anything. "Well, how do you do it?" asks the first to the third.
"Well, I do as you both do and throw the money into the air, but I figure whatever the Lord wants, he'll grab, and I keep whatever hits the floor."
