Food jokes (2506 to 2520)Jokes about foods. These are the jokes listed 2506 to 2520. |
Random Thoughts...
If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, 'A penny for your thoughts,' and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
If you take an Oriental person and spin them around several times, do they become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called 'Poles,' why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes?'
Menu Item Translations
The following are items found overseas in which people have made inappropriate use of English words for various products, and bizarre menu items in restaurants.
Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce - China
Indonesian Nazi Goreng - Hong Kong
Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos - Cairo
French fried ships - Cairo
Garlic Coffee - Europe
Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) - Europe
Boiled Frogfish - Europe
Sweat from the trolley - Europe
Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream - China
Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse - Hong Kong
Roasted duck let loose - Poland
Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion - Poland
Fried friendship - Nepal
Strawberry crap - Japan
Pork with fresh garbage - Vietnam
Toes with butter and jam - Bali
French Creeps - L.A.
Fried fishermen - Japan
Teppan Yaki - Before Your Cooked Right Eyes - Japan
Pepelea's Meat Balls - Romania
Product Names
Clean Finger Nail - Chinese tissues
Kolic - Japanese mineral water
Creap Creamy Powder - Japanese Coffee Creamer
Swine - Chinese chocolates
Libido - Chinese soda
Pocari Sweat - Japanese sport drink
Shocking - Japanese chewing gum
Cat Wetty - Japanese moistened hand towels
Pipi - Yugoslavian orangeade
Polio - Czechoslovakian laundry detergent
Crundy - Japanese gourmet candy
Superglans - Netherlands car wax
I'm Dripper - Japanese instant coffee
Zit - Greek soft drink
Colon Plus - Spanish detergent
The children were lined up in ...
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large
pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples'.
The pizza delivery boy
After taking the pizza, Mr. Thompson asked Danny, "How much tip do you get normally?"
"Well," replied Danny, "this is my first trip to your place, but the other boys say if I can manage to get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing just fine."
"Is that so?" said an offended Mr. Thompson, "Well, just to prove them wrong, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied Danny, "I'll put this in my college fund."
"What are you studying in college?" asked Mr. Thompson.
Lightbulb Joke Collection 06
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one, once you've managed to present the problem in terms he/she is familiar with.
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One. He gives it to six Oregonians, thereby simplifying the problem to the previous question.
Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: This should be determined using a nonparametric procedure, since statisticians are not normal.
Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Walt Pirie to hold the bulb and one psychologist, one economist, one sociologist and one anthroplogist to pull away the ladder.
Q: How many Union Electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seventeen - One to give the bulb to the screw-inner. One to screw in the bulb. One to hold him on the step ladder. Four to hold the step ladder steady. One to flick the switch to test the bulb. One to make sure that the other bulbs in the room will need fixing. One to supervise. Two to take a coffee break, one to eat lunch, and one to nap. One to plot the best way of breaking into the apartment at night. One to drink gin n tonics with the yuppies.
Short Gender Jokes
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What men know about women!
Why don't men eat more M & M's?
They are too hard to peel!
What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 50?
Gifted!
What is the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature!
Why are blond jokes so short?
So men can remember them!
What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up!
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares!
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know - it's never happened.
How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
What's a man's idea of housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home!
What did God say after he created man?
I can do better than this!
What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack of beer!
How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
What's the best way to force a man to do situps?
Put the remote between his toes.
How do men define a 50/50 relationship?
We cook/they eat we clean/they dirty we iron/they wrinkle!
A man and a woman are eating i...
A man and a woman are eating in a restaurant. Suddenly, the woman got something stuck in her throat, causing her to choke. The man rushes outside, cuts a limb off a tree and whacks the woman across the back with it, dislodging the object in her throat. The headline in the paper read "Man gives woman the hemlock maneuver"We live in a society today whe...
We live in a society today where pizza delivery comes to your house before the policeLightbulb Joke Collection 22
Q: How many chess grandmasters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 21. One to have the idea, and a whole load more to do all the analysis.
Q: How many people does it take to change a lightbulb for Bobby Fischer ?
A: Two. One person to put the new one in, and another person to file three millimetres off it first.
Q: How many scrabble players does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: I don't actually know, but it's on a triple word score anyway.
Q: How many Tauruses does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None: Tauruses don't like to change anything.
Q: How many Tauruses does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. But only if they can celebrate afterwards with a ten course meal and some great sex.
Q: How many Tauruses does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, but just *try* to convince them that the burnt out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
Q: How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.
Q: How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Just one, and they'll use a non-disposable diaper too!
Hilarious jokes-How cold?
The winter being treacherous, Sam commented, "It is really cold outside today."
Robert asked, "How cold is it?"
Sam replied, "It is colder than my mother-in-law's kiss!"
Lunch with the lawyers...
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
Infrequently
An elderly couple who are both widowed have been courting for a long time.
They decide it's finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they go out to dinner and talk about how their marriage might work.
They discuss finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the man broaches the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asks, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently," replies the old lady.
The old gentleman sits quietly for a moment, adjusts his glasses, leans over towards her and whispers: "Is that one word or two?"
The pharmacist
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9, or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the night." We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out after that. And I have a feeling that I'm going to get lucky, so you better give me the 12 pack. The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father was a pharmacist."
Robert Schmidt 09
Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.
Every day, the hummingbird eats its own weight in food. You may wonder how it weighs the food. It doesn't. It just eats another hummingbird.
I bought a portable cable TV.
Trees that grow in smoggy cities are needed to make carbon paper.
I liked "Slaughterhouse 5", but I can't find the first four anywhere.
A man committed suicide by overdosing on decongestant tablets. All they found was a pile of dust.
I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the classroom.
Despite decades of market research, markets proliferate and there's no cure in sight.
I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.
