Food jokes (271 to 285)Jokes about foods. These are the jokes listed 271 to 285. |
Health Nut
After participating in a nutritional-health class, my 16 year-old daughter, Sarah, encouraged her sisters to try whole-grain breads and whole-wheat pasta, and complained if we were having anything that looked too processed.
At dinnertime one evening, she entered the kitchen, spied the food on the plates and boldly asked: "Are those whole-wheat potatoes?"
#joke #food #bread
A man named John is feeling un
A man named John is feeling unwell, so he goes to see the doctor about it. The doctor tells him, "Well, it must be your diet. What sort of greens do you eat?"John replies, "Well, I only eat peas. I hate all other green foods."
The doctor looks at him and says, "Well, there's your problem. All those peas are clogging up your system. You'll have to give them up."
John asks the doctor, "How long should I give them up for? I mean, I really like eating peas."
The doctor replies, shaking his head, "Well, forever I'm afraid. If you don't, you'll get sick again."
John is shocked by the doctor's suggestion, but he decides to give it a go. Sure enough, he starts feeling loads better after a couple of weeks and realizes that he'll never eat peas again.
Anyway, one night, years later, he's sitting in a bar having a conversation with friends. One of them says, "I'd love a cigarette, because I haven't had a smoke in four years. My wife persuaded me to give them up."
Another guy says, "I haven't played a game of golf in three years, because it cost me my first marriage. So I gave it up."
Then John says, "That's nothing. I haven't had a pea in six years!"
When he heard this, the barman jumps up and screams, "Okay, everyone who can't swim, grab a table!"
Blessing a Body…?
A newly ordained deacon was asked to hold a graveside service for someone with no family or friends. It was his first official assignment, so he eagerly agreed.Taking his duties very seriously, the deacon let early the next morning for the cemetery. However, he made several wrong turns and quickly got himself lost. When he finally arrived more than an hour late, the hearse was nowhere to be seen and the two workmen were eating lunch.The deacon got out of his car, quickly threw on his vestments, and hurried to the open grave. Looking into the pit, he saw that the vault lid was already in place. With a sign, he took out his prayer book and read the burial service. After he had left, one of the workmen said to the other, “Maybe we should have told him he just blessed a septic tank.” #joke #food #lunch #eating
A motorist was driving down th
A motorist was driving down the highway and all of a sudden he hit a sparrow.He pulled over, picked the poor sparrow who was still alive, but unconscious. He decided to take him home.
When the motorist got home, he put the sparrow in a cage, leaving him some bread and water inside.
When the sparrow came back to life, he looked around and said, "Bars, bread, water... Oh my God! I have killed the motorist!!!"
One night at the dinner table,
One night at the dinner table, a wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. You don't love me any more...""Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."
