Food jokes (2956 to 2970)Jokes about foods. These are the jokes listed 2956 to 2970. |
Two bachelors, Larry and Frank...
Two bachelors, Larry and Frank, were out to dinner.The conversation drifted from office, sports, to politics, and then to cooking.
I got a cook book once said Larry. But I couldnt do anything with it.
Too much fancy stuff in it, huh? asked Frank.
You said it, Larry replied, nodding. Every one of those recipes began the same way: Take a clean plate
Dog and Cat
What is a Cat?Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere.
Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
What is a Dog?
Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the next room. They can look dumb and lovable at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
Things your Mother would NEVER say…
– Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.– Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.
– That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.
– Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.
– The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.
– Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad.
– Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?
– Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble.
Home sick...
A friend was laid up at home with the flu. His fiancee called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to him. He declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her.
"Okay honey", she told him, "We'll wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"
Supper
This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper.Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. “I can't believe you're aking me about supper right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself.”
So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea.
The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, “You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?”
“Huh? I thought you were out of town.”
Adam Strays
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she told her mate.
"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.
Chuck Norris can drink soup wi...
Chuck Norris can drink soup with a fork faster than you can beg for mercy.Little Emily was complaining t...
Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt.Her mother replied, Thats because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch.
He mentioned that his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied,
"That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
Having arrived at the edge of ...
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing.An hour or so later, the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...
Kids jokes-Natural history lesson
She began by saying, "Do you know Worker ants can carry food particles that are five times their own weight. What is to be learnt from this?"
A kid raised his hand and replied: "They don't have a union."
What Do I Look Like?
There was a young couple living in an old run down house. One day the man gets home from work and his wife says, “Honey, look at the walls. They haven't been painted as long as we have lived here. It's peeling and cracking; couldn't you please just paint them?”“Who do I look like? Michelangelo?” the man replies.
“I guess not”, says the wife.
The next day the man gets back from work again. Again his wife starts to complain. “Oh sugar, couldn't you just please at least repair the stairs? They're falling apart and they're really unsafe to walk up.”
The man says, “Who do I look like? Frank Lloyd Wright?”
“Well, maybe not,” says the wife.
The next week the man returns from his job. He walks into his house and is suddenly amazed. The stairs are fixed, the walls were painted and the house looked superb. “Honey…..How did you do this? It looks great!” he says. “Well I met up with a handyman down the street. He offered to repair our house if I either bake him a batch of brownies or sleep with him” says the wife.
“Well, honey, you baked the batch of brownies, right?”
The wife replies, “Who do I look like, Sara Lee?”
