Food jokes (3136 to 3150)Jokes about foods. These are the jokes listed 3136 to 3150. |
Fertilizer...
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"
"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.
"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.
"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.
"You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."
Really funny jokes-Pure polar bear
Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?" She answers, "Of course you are honey. I'm all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear."
Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, "Grandmom...Grandpop...am I all polar bear?" His grandmother answers, "Of course you are sweetie. We're all polar bear, your mother is
all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?" The baby polar bears replies, "Because I'm f****** freezing!"
There was a guy so addicted to...
There was a guy so addicted to golf that all he did is go out on the links every single day. He had ambitions of making it to the Pros, so he took his game very seriously.One windy day while playing in the finals of a a tournament, the guy was in contention, so he played every shot with utmost care and concentration. After all the scores were submitted, he was declared the winner of the tournament.
He went home to his wife with the trophy and some small cash prize. He kept repeating his round over dinner. The wife, who is not the least bit interested in golf, got up and went to bed early. The guy follows after a few hours, still high on his golf championship.
At around two in the morning, the wife jumps up and screams at her husband, who also gets startled and wakes up. "What happened? Why are you screaming?" the guy asked his wife.
"Why wouldn't I shout? You just pulled a patch of hair from me and threw it up in the air!"
The Genie
Contributed by Michael Johnson
A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it.
Inside was a genie. The genie said,� I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only."
The man thought about his first wish and decided, �I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account.
POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him.
He asked for his final wish, " I wish I was irresistible to women."
POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.
A man was walking on the beach...
A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it. Inside was a genie. The genie said,” I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only." The man thought about his first wish and decided, “I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account. POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him. He asked for his final wish, " I wish I was irresistible to women." POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.A man was walking on the beach...
A man was walking on the beach one day, and he found a bottle half buried in the sand.He decided to open it.
Inside was a genie.
The genie said, "I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only."
The man thought about his first wish and decided, I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account.
POOF!
Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color.
POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him.
He asked for his final wish... "I wish I was irresistible to women."
POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.
Knock Knock Collection 156
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Roxie!
Roxie who?
Roxie horrow picture show!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Rufus!
Rufus who?
Rufus leaking and I'm getting wet!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Russia!
Russia who?
Russia though you meal and you'll be sick!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ruth!
Ruth who?
Ruth of the matter is!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Sabina!
Sabina who?
Sabina a long time since I've seen you!
Into the Olympics...
Three guys are trying to sneak into the Olympic Village in Atlanta to scoop souvenirs and autographs. The first says, "Let's watch the registration table to see if there's a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in."
Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states, "Angus MacPherson. Scotland. Shotput." He opens his gym bag to display a shotput to the registration attendant.
The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. MacPherson. Here is you packet of registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic events, meal tickets, and other information."
HOT DOG! The first guy grabs a small tree sapling, strips off the limbs and roots, walks up the registration table and states: "Chuck Wagon. Canada. Javelin."
The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. Wagon. Here is you packet of registration materials, hotel keys, passes, meal tickets, and so forth. Good luck!"
The second guy grabs a street utility manhole cover, walks up the registration table and states: "Dusty Rhodes. Australia. Discus."
The attendant says, "Terrific, Mr. Rhodes. Here is you packet of registration materials, hotel keys, a full set of passes, and meal tickets. Enjoy yourself."
They scamper in, but suddenly realize the third guy is missing. They groan - OH NO. He is not to bright. They forgot to make sure he doesn't do something stupid and blow their cover stories.
They spot him walking with a roll of barbed wire under his arm. He walks up the registration table and states: "Foster Bean. USA. Fencing."
A wagon load of corn
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey Willis, forget your troubles! Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later.”
“That's mighty nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don't think Pa would like me to.”
“Aw come on boy,” the farmer insisted.
“Well okay,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “but Pa won't like it.”
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.”
“Don't be foolish!” the neighbour said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”
“Under the wagon!”
Source: CleanJokes4U
Church offering
A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the atmosphere, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make an offering.
“Great idea!” the chicken replied. “Let's offer them ham and eggs!”
“Not so fast,” said the pig. “For you, that's an offering. For me, it's a sacrifice.”
Source: Clean Joke of the Day
Champions are the breakfast of...
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck NorrisChuck Norris knows 47 ways to ...
Chuck Norris knows 47 ways to decapitate a man with only a slice of pecan pie.Three old couples were having ...
Three old couples were having tea one fine day. There were all chatting and whatnot when one of the men, trying to get a chuckle, said to his wife, "Pass the honey, honey!” Getting the chuckle he expected, he carried on. A moment later, the second man said, "Pass the sugar, sugar!" This got a bit of a bigger laugh, so the third man, although not quite as clever or quick-witted as the other two, decided to join in the fun. He waited for the perfect opportunity, cleared his throat and then confidently said, "Pass the tea, bag!"Morning Coffee
Contributed by Joe Driscoll
One morning, a grandmother was surprised to find that her 7-year-old grandson had made her coffee! Smiling, she choked down the worst cup of her life. When she finished, she found three little green Army men at the bottom. Puzzled, she asked, "Honey, what are these Army men doing in my coffee?"
Her grandson answered, "Like it says on TV, Grandma. 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in you're cup"...
