Food jokes (346 to 360)

Throwing Darts

Husband throwing darts at his wife's photo and not even a single throw hitting the target.
From another room the wife calls, "Honey, what are you doing?"
Husband: "MISSING YOU..."

The Baked Potato Dilemma

Stepping up to the counter at the fast-food restaurant, I asked for a baked potato with butter on the side.
With the gusto of someone newly employed, the teenager taking my order asked, “Which side?”

Dinner Party

A man and his wife attended a dinner party at the home of their friends. Near the end of the meal, the wife reprimanded her husband. "That's the third time you've gone for dessert," she scolded. "The hostess must think you're selfish and an absolute pig."
"I don't think so," he said. "I've been telling her it's for you."

Gandhi was a pacifist, but dur

Gandhi was a pacifist, but during a bread shortage he got so hungry he advocated naan-violence.

Boss Issues

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

I went to Japan, where I had a

I went to Japan, where I had a rice time. The food was great, but the wine was sake.

"Doctor! There's fly in the o

"Doctor! There's fly in the ointment!"
"Yes, I know, he's recovering from a nasty soup-burn."

Are mannaquins bread Are mannaquins bread for show?

#joke #short #food #bread

Kids Eat For Free

Waiter: I just wanted to let you know kids eat free.
Dad: Good, I'll have water and my daughter will have the steak and a kid's light beer.

I miss sugar. After all these

I miss sugar. After all these years we glucose.

You Must Be Single

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The cashier says: "You must be single?”
The man replied: “Wow how did you know that?”
Cashier: “Because you’re not that good looking.”

The Fortune Cookies

After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies.
Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.”
His read, “Talk while you have a chance.”

A wife arrived home after a lo

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.
Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.
Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?' And so, here we are!"

Two blondes, Jane and Sarah, w

Two blondes, Jane and Sarah, were deep in a philosophical argument.
"Since you're so damned smart," Sarah says, "answer this question: why is it that when a slice of buttered bread falls to the ground, it's bound to fall on the buttered side?"
Jane snorts, "It doesn't always land on the buttered side. Here, I'll prove it." She gets out the loaf of bread from the cupboard. Out comes the butter from the fridge. She generously butters the bread. Then she drops it. Butter side up.
"Ha-ha! See?!"
"You think you're so smart. You just buttered the wrong side of the bread!"

Olive

A blonde was hunched over the bar, toothpick in hand, spearing futilely at the olive in her drink. A dozen times the olive eluded her. Finally, another patron, who had been watching intently from the next stool, became exasperated and grabbed the toothpick.
"Here, this is how you do it." he said, as he easily skewered the olive.
"Big Deal," muttered the blonde. "I already had him so tired out, he couldn't get away."