Fruit jokes (751 to 765)Jokes about fruits. These are the jokes listed 751 to 765. |
Men Are Made Up Of Useless Things
Did you know that a man is made up of many useless"things?"
* He has an Adams apple that isn't an apple...
* Two calves that will never become cows...
* A nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhere...
* A roof of the mouth that won't cover anything...
* Twenty nails that won't hold a board...
* A chest that won't hold linen...
* Two tits that won't give milk...
* Two buns that won't feed anyone...
* A belly button that won't button...
* Two balls that won't roll...
* An ass that won't pull a plow...
* An organ that won't play music...
* A cock that won't crow...
.....And what are YOU laughing about?
You've got a pussy that won't catch mice!!
This duck walks into a c...
This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The day after that the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"
The duck leaves and returns the next day. This time he asks, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replies "No," and the duck said, "Okay, then. Got any grapes?"
This duck walks into a c...
This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The day after that the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"
The duck leaves and returns the next day. This time he asks, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replies "No," and the duck said, "Okay, then. Got any grapes?"
Things that make you go hmmmmmm...
How come wrong numbers are never busy?Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?
Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as '4's'?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How can there be self-help 'groups'?
Ever wonder WHY …
Ever wonder WHY …- the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
- women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
- don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
- is "abbreviated" such a long word?
- is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
- is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
- is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
- is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
- isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
- When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
- didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
- do they sterilize the needle for lethal inje
- they don't make the whole plane out of the stuff that is used to make that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
- don't sheep shrink when it rains?
- are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
- they call the airport the terminal?
- If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
- the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
- women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
- don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
- is "abbreviated" such a long word?
- is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
- is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
- is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
- is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
- isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
- When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
- didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
- do they sterilize the needle for lethal inje
- they don't make the whole plane out of the stuff that is used to make that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
- don't sheep shrink when it rains?
- are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
- they call the airport the terminal?
- If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Farm Jokes 07
Where does a woodsman keep his pigs?
In a hog cabin!
What is the slowest racehorse in the world?
A clotheshorse!
Why do pigs never recover from illness?
Because you have to kill them before you cure them!
What do you call a pig who's been arrested for dangerous driving?
A road hog!
What do you call sheep that live together?
Pen friends!
What do you call a chicken in a shellsuit?
An egg!
What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?
Udder nonsense!
What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
Use a cowculator!
What did the baby chick say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
'Dad, dad, look what marma-laid'!
What's a cows favorite vegetable?
A cowat!
