Mother jokes (436 to 450)Jokes about mothers. These are the jokes listed 436 to 450. |
A kid asked his mother, “Mom
A kid asked his mother, “Mom, can you buy me those two toys that we had seen at the store the other day?”His mother replied, “I will buy you one of them. One is enough to keep you busy at playtime.”
Later that day, the kid started doing his homework. The mother said, “Remember that you have two activities as homework today.”
The kid replied, “I will do one of them. One is enough to keep me busy at study time.”
Character qualities to look for in a marriage partner
A daughter asks her mother, “What are character qualities that I should look for in a marriage partner? You know, for someone that I will be spending eternity with."The mother replied, ”Go ask your father, he did better than I did.”
From the Mind of Friar Jackie Martling
Frawley's drunk, he comes home late, crawls in bed, before she could wake start having mindless energetic sex.
Then he gets up, walks into the bathroom, and his wife is standing there.
He says, 'What are you doing in here?'
She says, 'Shhh! Your mother's in our bed.'
From the Mind of Friar Jackie Martling
Frawley's drunk, he comes home late, crawls in bed, goes down on his wife and really has at it.
Then he gets up, walks into the bathroom, and his wife is standing there.
He says, 'What are you doing in here?'
She says, 'Shhh! Your mother's in our bed.'
When my son graduated from hig
When my son graduated from high school, he had to give a speech. He began by reading from his prepared text."I want to talk about my mother and the wonderful influence she has had on my life," he told the audience. "She is a shining example of parenthood, and I love her more than words could ever do justice."
At this point he seemed to struggle for words. After a pause, he looked up with a sly grin and said, "Sorry, but it's really hard to read my mother's handwriting."
The End Of The Ham
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking.
Her friend asked her,Why did you cut off the end of the ham?
And she replied ,I really dont know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to.
Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, I really dont know, but thats the way my mom always did it.
A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?
Her grandmother replied, Well dear, otherwise it would never fit into my baking pan.
Ben went on safari with his wi
Ben went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law.One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone.Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.Ben picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife said, ''What are we going to do?''
''Nothing,'' said Ben, ''The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.''
Chalk One Up For The Grandparents!
An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.
Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Passover and paying their own airfares."
A little help please...
A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"
"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"
Old Mrs. Pierpoint
Worried that they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the apartment next door, the mother said to her son, "Tony, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Pierpoint is?"
A few minutes later, Tony returned.
"Well, is she all right?" asked the mother.
"She's fine, but she's rather annoyed with you," remarked Tony.
"At me?" the mother exclaimed. "Whatever for?"
Tony replied, "Mrs. Pierpoint said it's none of your business how old she is."
I walked into my sister's kit
I walked into my sister's kitchen and found my nephew having a snack. "Where's your mother?" I asked."She is upstairs, said she was going to take a shower. Hang on, let me check."
He stepped into the nearby bathroom and flushed the toilet. A second later a sharp yell came from upstairs.
My nephew walked back out and said, "Yep, she's in the shower."
The Ultimate Computer
The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived.
The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. 'This,' he said, 'is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it.'
A smart-aleck who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and asked, 'Where is my father?'
There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task. Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the laser printer printed out a piece of paper: 'Fishing off Florida.'
The smart-aleck laughed, 'Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question.'
The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps a rewording of the question might work better.
The smart-aleck said to the Ultimate Computer, 'Where is my mother's husband?' Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the room.
After a moment, the laser printer whirred to life. The paper said, 'Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida.'
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