Mother jokes (421 to 435)Jokes about mothers. These are the jokes listed 421 to 435. |
Graduation Speech
When my son graduated from high school, he had to give a speech. He began by reading from his prepared text.
'I want to talk about my mother and the wonderful influence she has had on my life,' he told the audience. 'She is a shining example of parenthood, and I love her more than words could ever do justice.'
At this point he seemed to struggle for words. After a pause, he looked up with a sly grin and said, 'Sorry, but it's really hard to read my mother's handwriting.'
Three Jewish Mothers Compare Sons
Three Jewish mothers are sitting on a bench talking about how much their sons love them. Sadie says, "You know the Chagall painting hanging in my living room? My son, Arnold, bought that for me for my 75th birthday. What a good boy he is; he loves his mother." Minnie says,"You call that love? You know the Mercedes I just got for Mother's Day? That's from my son Bernie. What a doll." Shirley says "That's nothing. You know my son Stanley? He's in analysis with a psychoanalyst in Harley Street. Five session a week. And what does he talk about? Me."White hair
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
Immaculate Miracle?
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and she is sick most mornings." The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant--about four months would be my guess."The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie?" Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!" The doctor walked over to the window and stared outside. About five minutes passed before the mother said, "Is there something wrong out there, doctor?" The doctor replied, "No, not at it. It's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'm not going to miss it this time around!"
A kid asked his mother, “Mom
A kid asked his mother, “Mom, can you buy me those two toys that we had seen at the store the other day?”His mother replied, “I will buy you one of them. One is enough to keep you busy at playtime.”
Later that day, the kid started doing his homework. The mother said, “Remember that you have two activities as homework today.”
The kid replied, “I will do one of them. One is enough to keep me busy at study time.”
Character qualities to look for in a marriage partner
A daughter asks her mother, “What are character qualities that I should look for in a marriage partner? You know, for someone that I will be spending eternity with."The mother replied, ”Go ask your father, he did better than I did.”
From the Mind of Friar Jackie Martling
Frawley's drunk, he comes home late, crawls in bed, before she could wake start having mindless energetic sex.
Then he gets up, walks into the bathroom, and his wife is standing there.
He says, 'What are you doing in here?'
She says, 'Shhh! Your mother's in our bed.'
From the Mind of Friar Jackie Martling
Frawley's drunk, he comes home late, crawls in bed, goes down on his wife and really has at it.
Then he gets up, walks into the bathroom, and his wife is standing there.
He says, 'What are you doing in here?'
She says, 'Shhh! Your mother's in our bed.'
When my son graduated from hig
When my son graduated from high school, he had to give a speech. He began by reading from his prepared text."I want to talk about my mother and the wonderful influence she has had on my life," he told the audience. "She is a shining example of parenthood, and I love her more than words could ever do justice."
At this point he seemed to struggle for words. After a pause, he looked up with a sly grin and said, "Sorry, but it's really hard to read my mother's handwriting."
The End Of The Ham
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking.
Her friend asked her,Why did you cut off the end of the ham?
And she replied ,I really dont know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to.
Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, I really dont know, but thats the way my mom always did it.
A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?
Her grandmother replied, Well dear, otherwise it would never fit into my baking pan.
Ben went on safari with his wi
Ben went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law.One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone.Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.Ben picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife said, ''What are we going to do?''
''Nothing,'' said Ben, ''The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.''
Chalk One Up For The Grandparents!
An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.
Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Passover and paying their own airfares."
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