Pizza jokes (76 to 90)Jokes about pizza. These are the jokes listed 76 to 90. |
Only in America
Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster that anambulance...
Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink...
Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry
and a diet coke...
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the
pens to the counters...
Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...
Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
want to talk to in the first place...
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight...
Only in America...are the least useful professions (professional
athletes, movie actors & entertainers) paid so disproportional as
compared to people with normal jobs...
Only in America...do people buy domestic brand tires, because they
want to "buy American," and install them on their imported cars...
Only in America...the budgets for advertising non-essential items,
like soft drinks, exceed the economies of many third-world nations...
Only in America...do we use the word politics to describe the process
so well. Poli in Latin meaning many and tics meaning blood sucking
creatures...
Pizza
A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: "What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."
"Is that so?" snorted Mr. Smith. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."
Knock Knock Collection 148
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Phoebe!
Phoebe who?
Phoebe too expensive for me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Phyllis!
Phyllis who!
Phyllis in on the news!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ping Pong!
Ping Pong who?
Ping Pong the witch is dead....!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pizza!
Pizza who?
Pizza the pie!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Plato!
Plato who?
Plato fish and chips please!
General Amalgamated Industries...
General Amalgamated Industries, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?" The CEO said, "Wait right here."He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"
From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
Good jokes-Growing up
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him. 'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously.. Where did you eat?'
'It was at a place called 'home,'' I explained. 'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining table and if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'
By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I'd figured his system could have handled it :-
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card.
My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10.
It was, of course, black and white and the station went off the air at 10.00 pm, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air at about 6 am!
And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people ...
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line.
Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home ... But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers My brother delivered newspapers, seven days a week. He had to get up at 5 am every morning to do this.
Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films.
There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing without profanity or lewd scenes or violence or almost anything offensive.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
Japanese Food
An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the Heck did you put on this pizza?" The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only."
How To Annoy Your Co-Workers...
1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you.
3) Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. 'That's a good point, Sparky.' 'No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.'
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'
5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.
6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive. Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee, a printout, or whatever, slap yourself at random the whole way.
8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.
10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself, engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it 'IN'.
13) Develope an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza, donuts, or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach, and say, 'Oh you've got to be faster than that.'
15) Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
Stupid.....But funny...
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Stupid.....But funny...Subject: Funnies
Things to make you stop and think
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain
the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
thedriveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.
Taking the Edge Off
A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast."Would you like
bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and
coffee to
follow?" she asks.
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really
taken the edge
off my appetite."
At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl
of home-
made soup, home-made muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she
inquires.
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really
taken the edge
off my appetite."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
She'll go to
the store and buy him some food. "Would you like maybe a
steak and
apple pie? Maybe you'd like a pizza micro waved or a tasty
stir-fry?
That would only take a couple of minutes."
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really
taken the edge
off my appetite."
"Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up, then? I'm
starving!"
Pizza!
One night after prom a guy took a girl on a dead end road and she was like where are we at? The guy replied this is where guys and girls go to have sex after prom! She was like ol ok! The guy was then like do you wanna have sex and the girl replied no and the guy was like why not?!?! The girl was like because im on my period. The guy said ok well then can i eat you out and the again replied no im on my period. So they sat there for awhile and the guy was finally like well then can i finger you and she replied ok. Then not to long after that a cop pulled up and came up and knocked on the window of the car. So the guy rolls down the window and says is there a problem officer? The officer was like no but what are you kids doin and the boy replied while licking his fingers eatin pizza.Bowling ball humor
I worry about the germs in the holes of bowling balls. Nobody cleans those holes. There are years of impacted pizza fingers in there. Taco fingers. Chicken fingers. I'm amazed those balls still have holes. Ever smell a bowling ball hole? You think the balls are knocking down the pins? You're wrong. The pins are passing out from the smell.
Only in America
Only in Am...
Only in AmericaOnly in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
Only in America... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America... do they leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America... do they use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won't miss a call from someone they didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in America... do they buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America... do they use the word "politics" to describe the process so well; "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures".
Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering
Telemarketer strategy
I used to hate it when telemarketers would call but nowadays I welcome them with open arms. Their calls are opportunities for me to turn the tables and inconvenience them instead of them inconveniencing me. Perhaps they have now blacklisted me because I don't get as many calls as I used to but when my caller ID box shows “Private Caller” my adrenaline rushes and I am ready to play.
One of the new ploys that telemarketers are using is to call you electronically. You pick up the phone to hear a recorded voice say, “Please stay on the line for an important message.” They actually expect you to wait on hold while they take their sweet time before getting around to selling you something.
The last time I got one of these calls, I put on some classical music and waited for someone to greet me. As soon as I heard the telemarketer say hello, I said in my best radio advertiser voice, “Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line. Our next available representative will be with you shortly.” I let the music play and would repeat those phrases at thirty second intervals.
Finally I turned off the music and said, “Hello?”
“Hello, this is Jane with Allied Travel. How are you today?”
“Well, my gouts been acting up, I've got terrible hemorrhoids, I've got poison ivy on the bottom of my feet and I just ate a pizza so the heartburn will be coming on soon.”
“I'm sorry to hear that sir but I'm calling to tell you about some of our exciting travel packages that …”
I interrupted her, “You don't really care about how I'm doing, do you?”
“Why, sure I do?”
“You want to come over and throw some horseshoes?”
“Well sir, I can't do that right now. I have to call people and tell them about our travel packages.”
“You can use my phone. Come on over.”
“I'm afraid I can't do that.”
“You don't like me do you?”
“Of course I like you sir.”
“So why won't you come over?”
“Well, I'm working.”
“I got some pork rinds and some Pepsi and I could fry up a little fatback if you'd like.”
“Boy, that sounds real tempting but I'll have to take a rain check on that.”
“Okay, how about tomorrow then?”
“I can't. I'm working.”
“How about the day after tomorrow then?”
“Actually sir, I'm not supposed to get too personal with the people I call.”
“Why'd you ask me how I was doing then?”
“That's just a courtesy.”
“You don't like me do you?”
“Yes sir. I like you just fine.”
“So … You want to come over and throw some horseshoes?”
(click)
