Redneck jokes (196 to 210)Jokes about rednecks. These are the jokes listed 196 to 210. |
Redneck Tests
Do you qualify to be a redneck? Find out below!* You might be a redneck if your toilet paper has page numbers on it!
* You might be a redneck if you're considered an expert on worm beds!
* You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck!
* You might be a redneck if you sell your car for gas money.
* You might be a redneck if your wife wears the same underwear as you do.
* You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard!
* You might be a redneck if there has ever been a crime scene tape across your bathroom door!
* You might be a redneck if you believe books are bad luck!
* You might be a redneck if rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you bring your own!
* You might be a redneck if the most common phrase in your house is, "Someone go jiggle the handle."
* You might be a redneck if one of your kids was born on a pool table!
* You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight.
* You might be redneck if your house has more miles on it than your car!
* You might be a redneck if your wife repeatedly has to tell you to take your transmission off the table!
* You might be a redneck if you learned to drive in a monster truck!
* You might be a redneck if "Bambi" made you hungry for rabbit!
* You might be a redneck if you believe All-Star Wrestling!
* You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck!
Rednecks Flying Home #joke
Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind."
One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.
Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"
"I think so," replied the other Redneck. "Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!"
Sumbich
A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp,oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.' The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass!
Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars,'
'No, that's okay. I don't want it,' said Leroy.
The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something.
You won the bet! How about half a million bucks then?'
'No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy.
The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?'
Again Leroy said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?'
Leroy said, 'I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!'
Redneck quickies 4
You might be a redneck if...Fewer than half of your cars run.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
You might be a redneck if 61
You might be a reneck if...You buy the lot next to your house because you need the room for all your "stuff" (cars, trucks building materials).
Your idea of new siding on the house is more tar paper.
The oak tree in the front yard is an essential piece of automotive repair equipment (how else are you gonna pull the engine out of the old Dodge?)
Instead of locking the doors of your house, you keep a shotgun within reach, "just in case".
You consider pickled deer organs a delicacy.
You don't know what a redneck is.
You're still upset that they canceled "The Dukes of Hazzard".
You thought ER was ET's cousin.
You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars.
You are in 6 grade and the only one in your family that can write your name.
You Might Be A Redneck If 05
You might be a redneck if...
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
You're an expert on worm beds.
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"
Your family tree does not fork.
The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
You haul more than U-Haul.
Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"
There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
Your wedding was held in the delivery room.
A Redneck Retaliation
A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, I resent that! The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redneck. The redneck looked at him and said, You stay outta this, Im talking to the guy on your lap!!!!Dark
Two Rednecks were sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life.One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern.
One drunk says, "I sure wish that sheep was Marilyn Monroe."
The other says, "I just wish it were dark."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Redneck Family Tree
REDNECK FAMILY TREEMany, many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be,
This widow had a daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mom.
And it surely makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
am my own grandpa!
You might be a redneck if 56
You might be a reneck if...The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.
You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.
You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.
You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.
You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.
You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.
Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.
Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.
You have to stop a leak in your flatbottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.
You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of $3.00.
Valentines, Redneck
Kudzu is green, my dog's name is Blue And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.Yore hair is like cornsilk, a-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales, but I luv you anyway.
You're as graceful as okry, jist a-dancin' in the pan. Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop right out of the can.
You have all yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits, Well, I'm in hawg heaven, I'm plumb outta my wits.
And speakin' of wits, you've got plenty fer shore. 'Cuz you married me back in '74.
Still them fellers at work they all want to know, What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape, yo're there fer yore man, To patch up life's troubles and stick 'em in the can.
Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler racin' through the mud, Yet fragile as that sanger named Naomi Judd.
Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like no far ant upon which I oft' tread.
Cut from the best pattern like a flannel shirt of plaid, You sparked up my life like a Rattletrap shad.
When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.
And when you get old like a '57 Chevy, Won't put you on blocks and let grass grow up heavy.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie, with a RC cold drank, We go together like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart; It's romantic that way.
Some men git roses on that special day, From the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, these will not do. For you are too special, you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste nor odour, Better than diamonds, it's a new trollin' motor.
