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Short jokes - funny one liners (4001 to 4040)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 4001 to 4040. |
Answering Machine Message 14
Hello. This is Mark and Nathan's phone. We're not here right now, but the phone is.
#joke #short
The bride was anything but a t
The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper.It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed, "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it."
“My son asked me if I
“My son asked me if I would leave him money after I died. I said, 'I probably will.'”
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“The man that pointed
“The man that pointed out the burning building was a fire distinguisher.”
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One day two blind men started...
One day two blind men started fighting. Pretty soon a crowd surrounded them.
Then one of the members of the crowd yelled out "I bet 10 quid on the one with the knife."
Both men ran away.
#joke #short
“In order to win, sno
“In order to win, snooker players really need to be in the right frame of mind.”
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“I used to be a lifeg
“I used to be a lifeguard, but I couldn't keep my head above water.”
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A guy had just returned from t...
A guy had just returned from two weeks of vacation. He asked his boss for two more weeks off to get married. "What?" shouted the boss, "I can't give you more time now. Why didn't you get married while you were off?"
"Are you nuts?" he replied. "That would have ruined my whole vacation."
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“I think I've been r
“I think I've been reusing the same kitchen puns too much, I might need to dish out new ones.”
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Pork at a July 4th Picnic
A priest and a rabbi met at the annual July 4th picnic. They were old friends and loved to tease one another. "This baked ham is really good,” said the priest. “You really ought to break down and try some.”"I will, I will,” replies the rabbi, smiling, “at your wedding.”
Five Jewish Men
Five Jewish men influenced the history of Western civilization. Moses said the law is everything. Jesus said love is everything. Marx said capital is everything. Freud said sex is everything. Einstein said everything is relative.#joke #short
All Bill asked for was a littl
All Bill asked for was a little good-night kiss, but Anne haughtily rebuffed him with, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!""Well," Bill replied with sarcasm, "how about on your last date?"
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Guess Who Knows The State Capitals?
A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them." A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."
Switching Grooms
Little Mary was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony. When it was over, she asked her mother, “Why did the lady change her mind?”Her mother asked, “What do you mean?”"Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another one.”“Though I may be brok
“Though I may be broke, I still feel compelled to pay people compliments.”
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Better Than Botox?
Q. What's the name of a face lotion developed for Jewish women? A. Oil of Oy Vey- Joke shared by Beliefnet member BeliefnetSabee#joke #short
“My math class starte
“My math class started working on 2D shapes, but I lost interest. It was just too plane.”
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Innkeeper: The room is $15
Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed.Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.
#joke #short
Q&A: Before Boaz Married
Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he married?A: RuthlessQ: What do they call pastors in Germany?A: German shepherds.#joke #short
“When I was referred
“When I was referred to a Dietician by my GP, I weighed the pros and cons of it.”
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Pamela:''You're half an hour late...
Pamela: "You're half an hour late. I've been standing here like a fool." Candance: "I can't help how you stand."
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Two old men - Bert and Harry...
Two old men - Bert and Harry - were sitting quietly in a bar."When was the last time you made love to a woman?" Bert asked Harry.
"1945," replied Harry.
"My goodness!" exclaimed Bert. "That's a long time ago."
"Not really," said Harry, glancing at his watch. "It's only twenty past eight now."
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Good Question!
And Moses looked upon the Lord and said:"We are your chosen people and you want us to cut the tips off of our WHAT?"#joke #short
“Overcome with the be
“Overcome with the beauty of Earth seen from space, the astronaut removed his helmet. The view was breath taking.”
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Chemistry Song 09
O Little Melting Particle
(to the tune of "O Little Town Of Bethlehem")
Para Dichloro Benzene
how do you melt so well?
The plateau of your cooling curve
is really something swell.
We think the heat of fusion
of water is so nice
Give up fourteen hundred cals per mole
and what you get is ice.
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