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Short jokes - funny one liners (4041 to 4080)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 4041 to 4080. |
Prosecutor: I'll ask you one
Prosecutor: I'll ask you one last time, did you kill the victim?Defendant: No sir, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes sir, I do. And I know they're a lot better than the penalty for murder.
When I die, I want to go peace
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.An Apocalyptic One-Liner
Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little just to be funny.A prosecuting attorney just co
A prosecuting attorney just could not believe that the jury had found the defendant not guilty.Astonished, he asked the jury foreman, "How could you possibly have found this man innocent?"
The foreman replied, "Insanity."
The perplexed prosecutor replied, "All 12 of you?"
A Twist on 'Oy Vey!'
Q: Have you heard the new Jews for Jesus prayer? A: Oy vey, Maria!“When I suggested tha
“When I suggested that my wife should alphabetize her recipes, she would have nothing of the sort.”
Climbing into bed last night . . . . . . . .
As I was getting in bed, she said, 'You’re drunk'.
I said, 'How do you know?'
She said, 'You live next door . . . . .'
My Girlfriend Isn't Talking to Me
Apparently, I ruined her birthday.
Not sure how I did that...
I didn't even know it was her birthday!
“Be careful when talk
“Be careful when talking about physics around Darth Vader, he is very force sensitive.”
Little Johnny watched, fascina
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked."To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
“Having rumpled cloth
“Having rumpled clothing is a pressing issue, but I am sure that I can iron out a solution.”
Five year old Little Johnny wa...
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
The storm chaser was...
“The storm chaser was so fascinated by tornadoes that he tended to get carried away.”
“Soap operas give a g
“Soap operas give a good lather making viewers to froth and bubble!”
Heaven's Unitarian Population
Why are there are no Unitarians in Heaven?Because they heard there was a choice between going to Heaven or a discussion group about the existence of Heaven.“The serial killer wa
“The serial killer was cut-throat in his business dealings and that's why he always made a killing.”
A tourist was admiring the nec
A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian."What is it made of?" she asked.
"Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied.
"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."
"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."
“Whenever the boy fou
“Whenever the boy found himself in hot water his temper would boil.”
Numbers Equal Zero
Theorem : All numbers are equal to zero.
Proof: Suppose that a=b. Then
a = b
a^2 = ab
a^2 - b^2 = ab - b^2
(a + b)(a - b) = b(a - b)
a + b = b
a = 0
Furthermore if a + b = b, and a = b, then b + b = b, and 2b = b, which mean that 2 = 1.
“When words newly coi
“When words newly coined are included in the dictionary, it brings about many a change!”
Exit sign manufactur...
“Exit sign manufacturers are reporting a shortage of the stencils needed to create the signs. In the meantime, price increases for the signs have become an exit stencil reality.”
When We Were First Married
One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, 'When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller.
Don't love me anymore?'
'Nonsense, darling,' replied the husband, 'you just cook better now.'
A Darkened Theater
A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!" Several men stood up as the lights came on. An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, "Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a nice, Jewish girl?"A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"My other car is a broomstick."“What did the narcoti
“What did the narcotics agent say when he arrested the tailor? 'You're basted.'”
A woman comes home and finds h
A woman comes home and finds her husband in bed with a female midget. Furious, she screams, "You promised me you wouldn't cheat on me again!"The husband replies, "Darling, can't you see I'm trying? I've cut down."
