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Short jokes - funny one liners (3961 to 4000)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3961 to 4000. |
To the thief who stole my pill...
To the thief who stole my pillow, know this. I will not rest until I find you.
Answering Machine Message 125
Sorry... I'm far too depressed to come to the phone. If you can be bothered, leave a message after the sound of the gunshot, and maybe somebody will call you I guess... (BANG!)
Answering Machine Message 87
Operatic music like Rossini's "Stabbat Matter": Hi, you've reached Hell. (Screams in the background.) We're busy being cleaned by the light of eternal truth right now, so if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, we'll get back to you at the end of time.Good News, Bad News
A minister stood in front of his congregation and announced, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is that it’s still in your pockets.” 
Do you have the stones to say this to your wife
My wife was going through her wardrobe and said "Look at this, it still fits me after 25 years."
I said "It's a freaking scarf."
Lol
Doc, I think I'm a bridge.' 'What's come over you?' 'So far, three cars, a truck and a bus.A old woman was sipping on a g...
A old woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says,"I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you"...Her husband asks, "Is that you, or the wine talking?
She replies, "It's me...talking to the wine."
“Did you hear about t
“Did you hear about the ice cream that died recently? Hundreds and thousands attended his funeral.”
“Seated in economy cl
“Seated in economy class in a budget airlines cash strapped, I tightened my belt all the way!”
“Two funeral homes in
“Two funeral homes invented a marijuana coffin. It was a joint undertaking.”
Buddhist Vacuum
Q: Why can't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?A: No attachments.- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Barrybear47“The boardroom vote l
“The boardroom vote looked unanimous at first, but quickly became polarized as I put on my sunglasses.”
Two men were talking...
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?""Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
“The workers at the l
“The workers at the lumber mill went on strike, putting plywood production into suspended lamination.”
After receiving his medication
After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asked, "Are these time-release pills?"The pharmacist replied, "Yes, they are. They'll begin to work after your check clears."
“What do you call a t
“What do you call a tunnel engineer who always talks about his business? A bore.”
Teacher: What is the chemical
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?Johnny: HIJKLMNO
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Johnny: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
The eminent financier was disc
The eminent financier was discoursing."The true secret of success," he said, "is to find out what the people want."
"And the next thing," someone suggested, "is to give it to them."
The financier shook his head contemptuously.
"No, to corner it."
