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Short jokes - funny one liners (3921 to 3960)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3921 to 3960. |
Answering Machine Message 254
Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer.
Answering Machine Message 167
When the caller calls your number, as Steven Wright suggested, simply have your message be a busy signal!
People are always te...
“People are always telling me to keep my nose to the grindstone, but I'm afraid that will cause me to lose face.”
It's OK to borrow a...
“It's OK to borrow a book from the public library once in a while, but try not to overdue it.”
Forgery is why some...
“Forgery is why some citizens get notices to appear at a courthouse.”
There was a sign han...
“There was a sign hanging in the window of a dry cleaners I passed by. It read: 'So-and-So Dry Cleaners. Working on the same spot for 72 years.'”
Him: There is one word that wi...
Him: There is one word that will make me the happiest man in the world. Will you marry me?Her: No!
Him: That's the word!
I'm surprised I'm...
“I'm surprised I'm not musically inclined because as a child my attitude was so bad that I often got my bell rung and was told to sing a new tune.”
Grasshopper
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender laughs and says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'
The grasshopper looks at the bartender, with a look of extreme confusion on his face, and says, 'You have a drink called Steve?'
Just remember: when you go to...
Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!Ever since I switche...
“Ever since I switched to wrinkle free shirts my laundry issues have been less pressing.”
If you're headed to...
“If you're headed to Siberia, a stopover in Mongolia is a steppe in the right direction.”
When an escaped pris...
“When an escaped prisoner was caught camping out in the woods it was a clear case of criminal in tent.”
Typical Human Resources (HR) Response
'I proposed to my girlfriend last night, who just got promoted to an HR position earlier in the day.'
'That is cool! What did she say?'
She said, 'We will get back to you soon.'
Get A Heart Transplant
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds."Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."
I took my new girlfr...
“I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink. Entry was half price. She called me a cheap skate.”
Kinda Lame
....ya well we are gonna' make like a tree and leaf
Converting to the Society of Friends
Rabbi 1: We've got to do something. Many of the young people in our synagogue are converting to the Quaker faith.Rabbi 2: I've noticed that too. In fact, some of my best Jews are Friends!What did the drummer call his...
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? - Anna one, Anna two...
Born-Again Hindu
A zealous Christian who was trying to convert a Hindu found himself getting nowhere. "The thing is," argued the frustrated Christian, "you have to be born again!" "But I have been born again!" insisted the Hindu. "And again and again and again ..."My hens are in cages...
“My hens are in cages stacked one above the other - that is why they are called layers.”
