Short jokes - funny one liners (4601 to 4640)

"Excuse me, but does this bus

If you want to get the nurse’s attention after a urine test, you better pee cup.

#joke #short

“What did the tree sa

“What did the tree say to the bush? That's vine with me.”

An old guy was working out in

Little Workers

The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a nature history lesson.
'Worker ants,' she told them, 'can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?'
One child was ready with the answer, 'They don't have a union?'

I hallucinated that I threw Mr. Poitier off a bridge. I should never have dropped a Sid.

#joke #short

“Moonshine is distill

“Moonshine is distilled in the still of the night to escape detection?”

2017 Math Class Response

The math teacher saw that Daphne wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on her and said, 'Daphne! What are 7 and 2, and 28 and 44?'
Daphne quickly replied, 'ABC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!'

My mother’s sister was bitten by a snake. I will carefully suck the poison. That’s the antidote.

#joke #short #animal #snake

“The leopard tried cr

“The leopard tried creeping up on the tigers using its camouflage but it was spotted.”

Psychiatrist to Banta: Do you

If you work in demolition, you deserve a raze.

#joke #short

The lack of any sort of animal

A blond at a party was telling

A woman's perogative...

Little Mary was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony.

When it was over, she asked her mother, "Why did the lady change her mind?"

Her mother replied, "What do you mean?"

"Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another one."

Consuming tree foliage can

“The organic herb far

“The organic herb farmer was accused of dilly dallying around by his wife Rosemary, when he spent too much thyme trying to become a sage.”

I do calculus like a boss. I&#

“Successful pianists

“Successful pianists know the key to success.”

The Christmas gift...

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where in the world was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

Did Picasso make stained glass

“When a shipment of l

“When a shipment of large fruit was delivered by boat to the warehouse, it was the first water mailin'.”

Life after death?

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.
“Yes, sir,” the clerk replied.
“That’s good,” the boss said. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”

I stole a kilt and I plaid guilty.

#joke #short

“I want to be a ceili

“I want to be a ceiling fan. You can see the whirled without leaving the house.”

How To Tell If Your Dog Is Involved In A Sex Scandal

I come from a family of warmon

“His beard is so thic

“His beard is so thick, when he eats food he mustache some of it away for later.”

Puns about feminism are a setb

What Did You Learn?

Susie came home from her first day at school.

Her mother said, "Well, Honey, what did you learn today?"

"Not enough, I guess....They want me to come back again tomorrow."

I love it when hipsters speak

So… I beat my boss over

“Doctor Otto Focus re

“Doctor Otto Focus represented the very squintessence of bad optometry.”

What's the difference between

I feel the Death Star blows up

I can't stand my spouse&

“When I took first pl

“When I took first place in the sewing competition, I thought that I had better quilt while I was ahead.”

What did Queen Victoria say to

“I didn't smoke the

“I didn't smoke the weed, it was just a toke in gesture.”

Fishing on the Ark...

A Sunday School teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he with just two worms?"