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Short jokes - funny one liners (5041 to 5080)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 5041 to 5080. |
One fisherman to another, "You
One fisherman to another, "You should've seen what happened yesterday at the lake.""What happened?"
"I caught a twenty-three pound salmon!"
"Were there any witnesses?"
"Yes, of course! If there wasn't, it would've been thirty-three pounds."
My sister is marrying an organ thief...
My sister is marrying an organ thief. She says she wants a man after her own heart, someone who can de-liver her from her troubles, and who'll take care of her two little kidneys after she's gone.Two men are approaching each o...
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."
The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog doo, 20 feet back."
From the Mind of Friar Jackie Martling
Frawley's drunk, he comes home late, crawls in bed, goes down on his wife and really has at it.
Then he gets up, walks into the bathroom, and his wife is standing there.
He says, 'What are you doing in here?'
She says, 'Shhh! Your mother's in our bed.'
From the Mind of Friar Jackie Martling
Frawley's drunk, he comes home late, crawls in bed, before she could wake start having mindless energetic sex.
Then he gets up, walks into the bathroom, and his wife is standing there.
He says, 'What are you doing in here?'
She says, 'Shhh! Your mother's in our bed.'
Fighting Back...
HUSBAND: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
WIFE: I clean the toilet.
HUSBAND: How does that help?
WIFE: I use your toothbrush.
I wanted to take hom...
“I wanted to take home the left-overs from the BBQ, but someone else foiled my plans.”
The Thoughtfulness of a Friars Club Waiter
One of our waiter brought me the steak I ordered, with his thumb on the steak.
'Are you nuts?' I said, 'What's with your hand on my steak?'
'Sorry Webmonk,' answered the waiter, 'I don’t want it to fall on the floor again.'
So I thanked him
I was cleaning a hotel room wh
I was cleaning a hotel room when the previous occupant came in, looking for her husband’s keys.We searched high and low without luck. I finally peeked underneath the bed closest to the wall.
"Don’t bother—that was my bed," she said. "He wouldn’t have gone anywhere near it."
Airbnbing in a small vacation
Airbnbing in a small vacation town is dangerous. You may run into some village-rent people.Anyone crossing the Lone Star
Anyone crossing the Lone Star State on foot surely Texas time.Long winded
A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours. Finally, he realized what he had done and said, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."
A voice from the back of the room replied, "There's a calendar behind you..."
He crashed while row...
“He crashed while rowing his boat and suffered a broken scull.”
As a serial divorcé, Donald T
As a serial divorcé, Donald Trump truly represents the marry again people.“The preacher annotat
“The preacher annotated his hymn book making it a guided missal.”
Why Did Baby Jesus Go to Jerusalem?
A catechist asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.A small child replied, “They couldn’t get a baby-sitter?”
When she got flowers from her
When she got flowers from her husband on Valentine's Day, my daughter quickly opened the card. All it said was, "No."What did that mean? She called her husband and asked him.
"I didn't attach any message. The florist asked if I had a message and I said, 'No'."
The Judge admonished the witne
The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?""I do."
"Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?"
"Sure," said the witness. "My side will win."
Free booze for life? Y
Free booze for life? You've just won the blottory!A pirate walks into a bar with...
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head, sits down and orders a drink. Bartender serves the pirate his drink, and asks about the paper towel.
The pirate smiles and says, "That be the bounty on me head!"
When I'm high, my punctu
When I'm high, my punctuation gets sloppy. It's, like, a drug-induced comma.China
what does china say to the world?2 dolla fiftee centWhy do chinese people starve?Sumo wrestlers eat all the riceWhy does most of america suck?its made in chinahow does china have a billion people?pregnant slutsA woman was driving around and
A woman was driving around and around a parking garage in search of an available space. Nothing.Then she noticed a couple walking ahead of her.
Hopefully, she asked, "Going out?'
"No," said the man. "We're just friends."
The government wants to crimin
The government wants to criminalize fat jokes on the Internet. However, ISPs argue that this will take up too much banned width.No more tasteless puns about M
No more tasteless puns about Maritimers. A newf is a newf!Definition of Myrrh...
Definition of Myrrh...Myrrh: i. a type of perfume or incense;
ii. the second gift of the Magi;
iii. a great scrabble word when you are out of vowels.
Who was the murderer in Celebr
Who was the murderer in Celebrity Clue? A: Reese, Witherspoon.
A robber was found wounded in
A robber was found wounded in an electronics store...He tried breaking in from the roof but unfortunately for him, he fell on a 'Sharp' TV.
Kevin Hart: When You Lost a Fight to Your Woman
One time, she got me so mad, we got into a fist fight. You know how you know when you lost a fight to your woman? When the cops come to your house and ask you do you want to press charges. That's how you know it didn't go as you planned.There is nothing but
There is nothing but hypocritical and sanctimonious talk, typically of a moral, religious, or political nature, under a mere cant I list economy. #joke #short
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