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Short jokes - funny one liners (5081 to 5120)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 5081 to 5120. |
An ant walks into a bar with h
An ant walks into a bar with his good friend Mister No, who is not an ant. The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We only serve ants here."The ant says, "But this is my good friend Mister No."
The bartender says, "Sorry, but I don't take No for an ant, sir."
Canada's economy is made
Canada's economy is made up of prostitutes. How do I know? Well, Canadians are drawers of water and whoores of wood.“Whenever there is an
“Whenever there is an earthquake the geologists are always quick to find fault.”
Kevin Hart: Cancer Did It
My uncle comes up, taps me on the back. He's like, 'Kevin, I just want to let you know whoever did this is going to die tonight.'...I said, 'Cancer did it. It was cancer.' He said, 'Well, you tell Cancer I'm looking for him, and when I find him, I'm going to shoot him in the face -- twice.' No flights to France will be d
No flights to France will be delayed. It's Gaul on time's Day!
“In an effort to smoo
“In an effort to smooth things over and resolve their differences one gladiator said to the other, 'Let's bury the hatchet and go clubbing'.”
"If you put your hand in your
"If you put your hand in your right pocket and found 25 rupees, and put your hand in the left pocket and found 50 rupees, what would you do?""I would immediately rush to my tailor and ask him to stitch more pockets on my trousers!"
Everything you eat tastes like
Everything you eat tastes like licorice? Talk about anise problem to have. “Instead of being rew
“Instead of being rewarded for his invention, Dr. Guillotine was charged with neckless endangerment.”
My friend has a bad habit of o
My friend has a bad habit of overdrawing her bank account.One day before we went shopping, I complained about my lack of funds and lamented, “Guess I’ll use plastic.”
Unconcerned, she whipped out her checkbook, “That's okay, I’m using rubber.”
It's the drinking...
The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.
"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."
"Okay," the patient said. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor who's sober?"
Two young soldiers were exchan
Two young soldiers were exchanging their experiences of the service in the Army."My sergeants are wonderful", said one soldier.
"I wish I could say the same about mine," said the other.
"You could if you could lie as I do."
With Christmas over, Rudolph t
With Christmas over, Rudolph the Reindeer spends his time producing electricity. Sounds strange, but he nose watt he's doing.“I once got into so m
“I once got into so much debt that I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.”
Ticket Trouble
A minister was pulled over for speeding. As the cop was about to write the ticket, the minister said to him, “Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy.”The cop handed the minister the ticket and said, “Go thou and sin no more.”“Only real Christmas
“Only real Christmas lovers caribout reindeers.”
Mike Birbiglia: Crying Over a Book
I was on the subway the other day, and the guy next to me was crying over a book. He was actually crying. So, I leaned over -- I go, 'You don't know how to read, either?' Watching documentaries about C
Watching documentaries about Chinese organ thieves can be very heart to take.Two skeletons were discussing
Two skeletons were discussing their girlfriends."I think Bonnie is cheating on me."
"What makes you think that?"
"I don't know. I just feel it in my bones."
Politicians can be rather tick
Politicians can be rather ticklish, when they're up for a lick shin.Sign of the times...
A woman met her husband at the train station after work for the ride home. He looked haggard, so she asked, "Rough day?"
"You bet it was," he groaned. "Our computers were down, and we had to think all day long."
"What's the matter with Smith
"What's the matter with Smith? Got lumbago or spinal curvature or something?""No, he has to walk that way to fit some shirts his wife made for him."
“My wife wants our da
“My wife wants our daughter to marry a stable guy. How about the jockey or better yet the groom?”
