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Short jokes - funny one liners (5001 to 5040)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 5001 to 5040. |
"What do you do?" a young man
"What do you do?" a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with."I'm a nurse."
"I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me," he whispered in her ear.
"That would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward."
#joke #short
My wife loves sales.
S
My wife loves sales. She'll buy anything that's marked down.
Yesterday she came home with an escalator.
#joke #short
Urination is easy! Don't
Urination is easy! Don't believe the painstream media.#joke #short
Classical musicians make me la
Classical musicians make me laugh. Those are symphony people.#joke #short
My wife and her friend Karen w...
My wife and her friend Karen were talking about their labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway. Karen said, “I love my new garage-door opener.”“I love mine too,” my wife replied, and honked the horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage.
#joke #short
I'm moving to Japan, for
I'm moving to Japan, for the Sony weather.#joke #short
A woman goes into an antique s...
A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, "When I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I'd like to buy it." "Sorry," replied the owner, "but I can't sell you that."
"Why not?" asked the customer.
"Because that's my husband."
“For summer vacation,
“For summer vacation, I decided to go to north-eastern Spain and Basque in the sunshine.”
#joke #short
When it comes to Shakespearean
When it comes to Shakespearean accents, Anne Hathaway with words.#joke #short
I recently gained 500 pounds a
I recently gained 500 pounds and that's how I joined IMMENSA.#joke #short
“If you're being bot
“If you're being bothered by a profiterole, all you have to do is choux it away.”
#joke #short
Crab -- It's too much work. T
Crab -- It's too much work. They're like the pistachio of seafood. And there's that nasty part of the crab you're not supposed to eat. I think it's' called "all of it."#joke #short
Most paparazzi are sta
Most paparazzi are star-craving mad.#joke #short
"You were speaking much too lo
"You were speaking much too long on the phone just now, Miss Ponsonby," said Mr.Jones."But it was a business call, Mr. Jones."
"Well, please don't address our clients as 'sweetikins' in the future."
#joke #short
Yesterday at a job interview I
Yesterday at a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little."Nervous?" asked the interviewer.
I replied, "No, I always give 110%."
#joke #short
I recovered my stolen car usin
I recovered my stolen car using the serial number and I feel VINdicated.#joke #short
What Would Jesus Drive?
Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus’ time?A: Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.#joke #short
“I saw a great comedy
“I saw a great comedy show in London. Folks were rolling in the isles.”
#joke #short
What's a cannibal'
What's a cannibal's favorite snack? BFF jerky.#joke #short
Christmas sign of the times....
As a little boy climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
#joke #short #christmas
Character qualities to look for in a marriage partner
A daughter asks her mother, “What are character qualities that I should look for in a marriage partner? You know, for someone that I will be spending eternity with."The mother replied, ”Go ask your father, he did better than I did.”
Seashore With Family
A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family.
Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted.
"Darling, it was just a shark," assured his wife when he came to.
"You've got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere."
Pee in the pool....
Little Johnny was approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," insisted Little Johnny.
"That may be," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"
Never use a glass bathroom. You'll be be arrested for loo behaviour and public in-de-can see. #joke #short
The caterer was consulting wit
The caterer was consulting with a woman about throwing a birthday party for her 72-year-old husband."Is it a surprise?" the caterer asked.
"Oh, no," answered the woman. "My husband knows he's going to be 72."
#joke #short
Teacher: "Class, in this final
Teacher: "Class, in this final exam, everybody should get at least 75% marks."Student: "We are all trying for 100% sir!"
Teacher: "Are you being serious?"
Student: "Well, no sir. But it was you who cracked a joke first."
#joke #short
I'm inspired by Spring w
I'm inspired by Spring weather. It can be quite thaw-provoking.#joke #short
