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Short jokes - funny one liners (561 to 600)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 561 to 600. |
You Matter
You matter...
Until you multiply yourself by the square of the speed of light.
Then you energy.
Titanic
Q: What do you get if you cross the atlantic with the titanic?
A: About halfway.
Optometrists
Optometrists watch a lot of tell a vision.Beam Me Up
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Correct answer is Three...
The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.
3 short fresh jokes
I mentioned to my girlfriend that she had drawn her eyebrows a bit too high.
She seemed surprised.
Mechanic: Your car's got a flat.
Me: It's called a garage.
My girlfriend told me, "If we don’t get married soon, I’m going to kill you!"
"I guess.. it’s a matter of wife or death."
Verbal diarrhea
People with verbal diarrhea produce a lot of sputum.When Cheesus
When Cheesus started his muenstery, he wanted to save people from edam-nation. The numbers in hell gruyere by year. And the devil was evil like the mythical gorgon zola, but cheddar days were ahead.Why did the soldier scream as
Why did the soldier scream as he carried burning rubble from the backpacker's hotel?It was recently discovered tha
It was recently discovered that spearfishers are gay. Because they Lance Bass.
Over the Doors of An Old Church
Inscribed in stone over the great front doors of an old church being restored was: “This is the Gate of Heaven.”
Just below it someone had placed a small cardboard sign which read: “Use Other Entrance.”
Why can't J-Lo complete
Why can't J-Lo complete the purchase of her house?Cuz she’s always in ass-grow.
I made an mp3 of my car slowin
I made an mp3 of my car slowing down. It was a record braking event.I Raced A Prius
A Prius just tried to race me at the light...
I totally had it for the first 100 meters, but I can only walk so fast.
In ancient Rome, prostitution
In ancient Rome, prostitution wasn't unusual. It was a whore-denarii sight.Pharmacists are piller
Pharmacists are pillers of the community.Computer Chess
A computer once beat me at chess...
But it was no match for me at kickboxing!
Someone stole your deodorant?
Someone stole your deodorant? You've been reek rolled!The Celebrity Cycle
A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known...
And then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
In a bad mood?
In a bad mood? Go praise somebody from Helsinki. That produces endorse Finns.
Eiffel Tower jokes
It is Eiffel Tower Day today! The day marks the completion of the Eiffel Tower on this day in 1889!
I Tried To Climb The Eiffel Tower Once
But eiffel!
What do you call a tourist visiting the Eiffel Tower?
PariSites.
Fire Hydrant Factory
A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work.
When confronted by his boss the man explained, "You can't park anywhere near this place!"
Banging
My bloody rude neighbour came over banging on the door at 2.00am last night.
.........Luckily I was still up playing my drums!!
Hat Tip > Roland
One of the Best Villains
Why is Two Face one of the best villains?
Because he's not half bad!
I want to be a pastry chef, be
I want to be a pastry chef, because I feel that tart imitates life.Why did the mermaid cross the sea?
It is International Mermaid Day!
Why did the mermaid cross the sea?
To get to the other tide.
Pretending to be a Knight
Pretending to be a Knight of the Round Table is Gawain better than I expected. Smoke and Mirrors Day joke
Today is Smoke and Mirrors Day (USA)! Learn Some Magic Tricks, tell a joke!
My best friend tried to hide his drug dealing through a fake tobacco company and glass manufacturer.
It was all just smoke and mirrors.
Blind folks are the no
Blind folks are the no see-est people.
Jokes to celebrate Weed Appreciation Day
Today is National Weed Appreciation Day in USA! Appreciate your Weed!
Why did the dandelion become a motivational speaker?
Because it wanted to teach everyone how to turn their weeds into wishes!
Why was the clover invited to the garden party?
Because it was a popu-lawn guest!
Going On My Own
Little Annie: “Mommy, mommy, I’m going to the bathroom on my own!”
Mommy: “Good girl! #1 or #2??”
Little Annie: “If there’s a #2, it must be hiding...”
