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Short jokes - funny one liners (681 to 720)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 681 to 720. |
Why do vegetarians have no sen
Why do vegetarians have no sense of humour?Because they are irony deficient!
Color Me Purple
I just found out I'm colorblind.
The diagnosis came completely out of the purple
Socksist remark
As a feminist, I don't make jokes about hose. It is a socksist remark. It hits too clothes to home.
A Temperamental Couple
My wife and I are a temperamental couple...
I’ve got a temper and she’s mental.
The motivational speaker
The motivational speaker was fired for causing too much strive in the workplace.NED: It's raining spider
NED: It's raining spiders!ED: Oh no.
NED: It's a tarantula downpour!
You Matter
You matter...
Until you multiply yourself by the square of the speed of light.
Then you energy.
Titanic
Q: What do you get if you cross the atlantic with the titanic?
A: About halfway.
Optometrists
Optometrists watch a lot of tell a vision.Beam Me Up
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Correct answer is Three...
The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.
3 short fresh jokes
I mentioned to my girlfriend that she had drawn her eyebrows a bit too high.
She seemed surprised.
Mechanic: Your car's got a flat.
Me: It's called a garage.
My girlfriend told me, "If we don’t get married soon, I’m going to kill you!"
"I guess.. it’s a matter of wife or death."
Verbal diarrhea
People with verbal diarrhea produce a lot of sputum.When Cheesus
When Cheesus started his muenstery, he wanted to save people from edam-nation. The numbers in hell gruyere by year. And the devil was evil like the mythical gorgon zola, but cheddar days were ahead.Why did the soldier scream as
Why did the soldier scream as he carried burning rubble from the backpacker's hotel?It was recently discovered tha
It was recently discovered that spearfishers are gay. Because they Lance Bass.
Over the Doors of An Old Church
Inscribed in stone over the great front doors of an old church being restored was: “This is the Gate of Heaven.”
Just below it someone had placed a small cardboard sign which read: “Use Other Entrance.”
Why can't J-Lo complete
Why can't J-Lo complete the purchase of her house?Cuz she’s always in ass-grow.
I made an mp3 of my car slowin
I made an mp3 of my car slowing down. It was a record braking event.I Raced A Prius
A Prius just tried to race me at the light...
I totally had it for the first 100 meters, but I can only walk so fast.
In ancient Rome, prostitution
In ancient Rome, prostitution wasn't unusual. It was a whore-denarii sight.Pharmacists are piller
Pharmacists are pillers of the community.Computer Chess
A computer once beat me at chess...
But it was no match for me at kickboxing!
Someone stole your deodorant?
Someone stole your deodorant? You've been reek rolled!The Celebrity Cycle
A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known...
And then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
In a bad mood?
In a bad mood? Go praise somebody from Helsinki. That produces endorse Finns.
Eiffel Tower jokes
It is Eiffel Tower Day today! The day marks the completion of the Eiffel Tower on this day in 1889!
I Tried To Climb The Eiffel Tower Once
But eiffel!
What do you call a tourist visiting the Eiffel Tower?
PariSites.
Fire Hydrant Factory
A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work.
When confronted by his boss the man explained, "You can't park anywhere near this place!"
Banging
My bloody rude neighbour came over banging on the door at 2.00am last night.
.........Luckily I was still up playing my drums!!
Hat Tip > Roland
One of the Best Villains
Why is Two Face one of the best villains?
Because he's not half bad!
