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Short jokes - funny one liners (7441 to 7480)

Short jokes - funny one liners (7441 to 7480)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 7441 to 7480.

Sex Before Marriage

John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you?
Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

toilet paper

Whats dumb? Instructions on toilet paper.

Whats dumber than that? reading them.

Whats even dumber? Reading them and learning something.

Dumbest of all? Reading them and having to correct something you've been doing wrong.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A man placed an ad in the clas

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Second-hand goods

A divorced man bumps into his ex-wife's new husband at a party.

After knocking back a few drinks, he walks over to the guy and sneers: "So, how do you like using second-hand goods?"

"Doesn't bother me," the new husband replies. "Once you get past the first three inches, it's all brand new."

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.72/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (18)

A patient says, “Doctor, can

A patient says, “Doctor, can I get AIDS from a toilet seat?”The doctor replies, “Yes, but only by sitting down before the last guy gets up.”
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

TicTacs

Peter's mother has three kids.

The first two are Tic and Tac.

What's the third? Peter!

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

The Bin Laden Joke (

Why did Bin Laden leave his wife?

Because when he looked under her skirt he saw BUSH!!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

I believe that earlier this ye

I believe that earlier this year the US Postal Service also issued a set ofstamps featuring american racehorses.
This must be one of the great ironies of the horse racing industry. If ahorse wins its races it gets put on the front of a postage stamp. If itloses it gets put on the back!
#joke #short #animal #horse
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

At a session with a marriage c...

At a session with a marriage counselor, the wife snapped at her husband: "That's not true! I do so enjoy sex!"
Then, turning to the counselor, she explained: "But this animal expects it four or five times a year!"
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.65/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (17)

Movie

My wife said she wanted to see "Fifty Shades Of Grey".
So I showed her a picture of her hair.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

A man comes home, finds his wi

A man comes home, finds his wife in bed with another man, and asks, “What is this?!?” The wife turns to her lover and says, “See, I told you he was stupid!”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Broken Cage

Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart?

A: "Cheap, cheap!"

#joke #short #animal #bird
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

“When I was young, I

“When I was young, I wanted to study archaeology, but my dad thought it was nothing more than a lot of skullduggery ...”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

I just need to make it

I just need to make it to 34 and I’ve beaten Jesus at living.

Sarah Millican (May 29 1975-)

Picture: BBC

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Did you hear about the two bal

Did you hear about the two bald guys who put their heads together? They made an ass out of themselves!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Bad Boomerang

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A: A stick.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

“I think my toothbrus

“I think my toothbrush has been stolen by a demon. Hells teeth!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

The food at this place is just terrible

Two elderly women are at a Catskill restaurant. One of them says, "Boy, the food at this place is just terrible." The other one says, "Yeah I know. And such small portions."

Woody Allen (December 1 1935-)

Picture: BBC

Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

What’s an Irish seven course

What’s an Irish seven course dinner? A six-pack and a potato.
#joke #short #food #dinner #potato
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

What's the difference be

What's the difference between a reptile and a cannibal? One's an alligator, the other's a leg eater.
#joke #short #animal #alligator
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

The Stormy Sea

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets. We're one short."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

“A carburetor special

“A carburetor specialist had manifold advantages to better his career!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Within two weeks of moving int

Within two weeks of moving into a new house, the homeowner had to call an electrician, a roofer, a plasterer and a carpenter.
One afternoon he returned from work early and saw a plumber's truck in the driveway. "Lord," he pleaded, looking skyward, "please let my wife be having an affair."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

A big girl came up to me

A big girl came up to me after a show and said, "I think you're fatist." I said, "No, no. I think you're fattest."

Jimmy Carr (September 15 1972-)

Picture: Andrew Crowley

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

Bald Fleas

Q; What do you call two fleas on top of a bald head?

A: Homeless.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

New technology trend: supercom

New technology trend: supercomputers that analyze the metrics behind swine behaviour, aka Pig Data.
#joke #short #animal #pig
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

“The Rodent Club fini

“The Rodent Club finished drafting their constitution, but it has yet to be ratified.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

I never got along with my dad

I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?

Bill Hicks (1961-1994)

Picture: Film Stills

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (8)

If athletes get athletes foot,

If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
#joke #short #sport #athlete
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Clumsy Insects

Q: What is the clumsiest insect?

A: The bumbling bee.

#joke #short #animal #bee
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Phone Trouble

Question:

Why cant a blonde dial 911?

Answer:

She can't find the eleven!

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Do manatees t

Do manatees tempt sailors?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

“They say it's easy

“They say it's easy to get your mind around introspection.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

"How did you find your steak?"

"How did you find your steak?" asked the waiter of a patron in the very expensive restaurant.
"Just luck," the hungry man replied, sadly. "I happened to move that small piece of potato, and there it was!"
#joke #short #food #potato #steak #hungry
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

What Iran needs now

What Iran needs now is a more modern leader – a mullah lite.

Shappi Khorsandi (June 8 1973-)

Picture: JAY WILLIAMS FOR THE TELEGRAPH

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

So, a thought crossed your min

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Bigamy

Q: What's the downside to bigamy?

A: More than one mother-in-law.

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Silly putty enjoys top 10 r

Silly putty enjoys top 10 goo glee rankings.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

 Kids At The Wedding


At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."

#joke #short #animal #bear #wedding
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Jokes Archive

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