|
Short jokes - funny one liners (7721 to 7760)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 7721 to 7760. |
The way to achieve true inner peace
Sir Bedevere:
'Now, why do witches burn?'
Peasant:
'...because they're made of... wood?'
Sir Bedevere:
'Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?'
Peasant 2:
'Build a bridge out of her.'
From Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Picture: Rex Features
All parachutes are perfec
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
Benny Hill (1924-1992)
Picture: REX FEATURES
It was dinner time on a Britis...
It was dinner time on a British Airways flight from London to New York. As the flight attendant moved down the plane, she asked one of the passengers: - “Would you like dinner?”
- “What are my choices?” asked the passenger.
- “Yes or No,” replied the attendant.
New Mexico Crazy Law
Carrizozo
Las Cruces
A guy was lost on the Mall by
A guy was lost on the Mall by the Washington Monument. He stopped a policeman and asked, "What side is the State Department on?"The cop answered: "Ours, I hope."
I can no longer see my refrige
I can no longer see my refrigerator. I've gone cooler blind.Tenses
A teacher says, “Okay, class. Today we’re going to be talking about the tenses. If I say ‘I’m beautiful,’ which tense is it?”
Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “Obviously past tense, Miss.”
A candidate at a job interview
A candidate at a job interview was asked a tough question to which he mumbled an inaudible answer. The interviewer said "Come again?" The candidate got up, collected his file, went out of the room and came back again.Billy Idol tried to clean up h
Billy Idol tried to clean up his act, but then was accused Mony laundering.Good News, Bad News
After Friday prayers an Imam announced to the people:"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member BeliefnetSabee
The Only Difference
Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can go to sleep with the light on.
Q: What do you call a man who
Q: What do you call a man who just lost his brain?A: Divorced.
Who should you see if you don&
Who should you see if you don't get your period? A periodontist.The worst two Winters
The worst two Winters of the 20th century . . . Mike and Bernie.
Victor Borges (1909-2000)
Picture: AP
Do not be racist; be like Mari
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!Yo mama is so flat
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of the wall!
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a book!
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a piece of paper!
I made a Hallowe'en pun
I made a Hallowe'en pun in January. Guess I spook too soon.A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"The Lord giveth...the IRS taketh away."April Fool's Day Prank - Swap hand sanitzer...
Swap hand sanitzer with personal lubricant. 
Your momma is so ugly she made
Your momma is so ugly she made One Direction go another direction.The banker fell overboard from
The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat.The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone?"
"Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business."
Drinking
After drinking, Men talk unnecessarily, Become emotional,Drive badly, Stop thinking, Fight for nothing
Women can do all these without drinking!
Toughest job I ever had
Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
Bill Bailey (January 13 1964-)
Wish Comes True
Carlos told his wife he wanted a guitar to play while sitting in the Jacuzzi. “The next day she bought him an electric guitar.” God gave men a penis and a brain
God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Robin Williams (1951-2014)
Picture: REX
Politically Speaking
"My uncle ran for Senate last year."
"Really? What does he do now?"
"Nothing. He got elected."
Carlos told his wife he wanted
Carlos told his wife he wanted a guitar to play while sitting in the Jacuzzi. “The next day she bought him an electric guitar.”A traveling salesman was held
A traveling salesman was held up in the west by a rainstorm and flood. He e-mails his office in NY: “Delayed by storm. Send instructions.”His boss e-mails back: “Start vacation immediately!”
