|
Short jokes - funny one liners (7681 to 7720)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 7681 to 7720. |
“The leopard was so g
“The leopard was so good at guessing. Every time he was spot on.”
All my friends are getting married
@amyschumer
All my friends are getting married
I guess I am jut at that age where people give up
on.cc.com/1yk0JL0
She said she was approaching forty
She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction
Bob Hope (1903-2003)
Picture: Reuters
Q: What do you call two Mexica
Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?A: Juan on Juan.
“The rose gardener pe
“The rose gardener pedaled feverishly to the market last week to sell his flowers before they became a thorn in his side.”
Air & Sex
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Men don't care what's on TV
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld (April 29 1954-)
Picture: REX FEATURES
Yo momma is so fat when she sa
Yo momma is so fat when she sat on WalMart, she lowered the prices.“Fifth columnists of
“Fifth columnists of the fourth estate rated third grade, play a second fiddle to conspirators with their first-hand information!”
Bob: "Holy crap, I just fell
Bob: "Holy crap, I just fell off a 50 ft ladder."Jim: "Oh my God, are you okay?"
Bob: "Yeah it's a good thing I fell off the first step."
>You know yo're getting old
You know yo're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns (1896-1996)
Picture: REX FEATURES
“Will you love me when I’m
“Will you love me when I’m old and ugly?”“Darling, of course I do.”
A young woman came home and to
A young woman came home and told her mom that her steadyboyfriend had proposed, but she had turned him downbecause she found out he was an atheist, and didn'tbelieve in Heaven or Hell."Marry him anyway, honey. Between the two of us, we'llshow him just how very wrong he is."
Timothy :Why are you catching
Timothy :Why are you catching so many fleas?Mike :Didn't you see the Notice Board?
There's going to be a Flea Market at
our Apartment Lobby tomorrow morning.
The best way to end a fight...
Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, eighty percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love."
"Well," said the other woman, "if that was true, that would certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!"
The quickest way to a man's heart
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
Roseanne Barr (November 3 1952-)
Picture: Kevin Winter/Getty Images
Why are females so moody when they're on their period?
Why are females so moody when they're on their period?
It's an ovary action.
Big penis
What do you call a bodybuilder with a big penis?
Beginner.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
Lord, walk beside me with your arm on my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.I live every day like it's the last day of my life
@kevin_nealon:
I live every day like it's the last day of my life.
Every morning I wake up real early, and I spend maybe three hours on the phone making funeral arrangements.
http://on.cc.com/1BA2p6M
When I die
'When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.'
Bob Monkhouse (1928-2003)
Picture: Rex Features
HR Consultant: "Here's my fin
HR Consultant: "Here's my final consulting report on your company. I've listed all the dead-weight employees who should be fired."Boss: "This is the company directory."
HR Consultant: "Finding that was a huge time-saver."
Which wolves have gone extinct
Which wolves have gone extinct? Were wolves.Full payment
Two women are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money.
They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then, the woman turns to the other and hands her a bill.
"Here’s that $20 I owe you," she says.
Knock, knock.
Who's th
Knock, knock.Who's there?
Isabelle
Isabelle who?
Isabelle necessary on a bicycle?
Three businessmen were having
Three businessmen were having dinner at a club. When it came time to pay the check, each grabbed for it."It's a business expense," said one.
"I'll pay," said the second. "I'm on cost plus."
"Let me have it," argued the third. "I'm filing for bankruptcy next week."
