|
Short jokes - funny one liners (7921 to 7960)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 7921 to 7960. |
A man is complaining to a frie
A man is complaining to a friend: “I had it all, money, a beautiful house, a nice car, a great motorcycle, the love of a beautiful woman. Then it was all gone!”“What happened?” asks the friend.
“My wife found out!” replied the man.
Greece is known for its ron
Greece is known for its Aegean population.Hip pop dancersron
Hip pop dancers have dislocated pelvises.Myra was going to the Christma
Myra was going to the Christmas office party but needed a new party dress.In the clothing store she asked, "May I try on that dress in the window, please?"
"Certainly not, madam," responded the salesgirl, "You'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else."
“Why do ship captains
“Why do ship captains understand their sons so well? They're able to fathom the depth of their buoys!”
Christmas gift from girlfriend
Your Christmas Joke of the Day from @anthonyjeselnik. http://on.cc.com/1x4Fxvs Post Office
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."
Yo momma is so fat, I took a p
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.Donkeys at Christmas
Q: What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
A: Mule-tide greetings.
Santa and ex girlfriend
Ok! Yes! I went to my old girlfriend's house last night! It's my job! What do the female reindeer do
What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve? They go into town and blow a few bucks.Santa Claus's Plans
Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: It soots him.
When a bosomy St. Nick appeare
When a bosomy St. Nick appeared to me in a dream, I began questioning my Santa titty.Christmas Knock, knock joke
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Merry.
Merry who?
Merry Christmas!
The will to live
A man went to his lawyer and said "I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it."
The lawyer says "No problem, leave it all to me".
The man looks somewhat upset ... "Well I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I'd like to leave a little to my children too!
“I heard the new auto
“I heard the new auto body shop that opened comes highly wreck-a-mended.”
Sweep The Floor
Your first job will be to sweep the floor.
But I'm a college student the young man replied.
In that case give me the broom - I'll show you how.
Why is Christmas just like a d
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.Poor Boy's Christmas
Q: What does a poor boy get for Christmas?
A: Your bike.
Particle physicists earn more
Particle physicists earn more because they are un-ionized.Monday to Sunday ... Sunday to Monday
NY to Chicago = 1,271 km
Chicago to NY = 1,271 km
January to December = 12 months
December to January = 12 months
Ground Floor to 15th Floor = 15 floors
15th Floor to Ground Floor = 15 floors
Monday to Sunday = 6 days
Sunday to Monday = 1 DAY!!
Image credit: Rizwan Elias
A woman reported the disappear
A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him."Yes, please," she replied. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all."
“Never ask a podiatri
“Never ask a podiatrist for conversions to metric - he only knows feet.”
A husband got his mother-in-la
A husband got his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Christmas. It came with a coffin, tomb stone, the works. Next Christmas comes by and the husband gets her nothing. When the mother-in-law asks, "Why didn't you get me a gift?" the husband says, "You haven't used the one I got you last year!"We plan to go clubbing. Now is
We plan to go clubbing. Now is the winter of our disco intent.Dogs in Heaven
Dear God,When I get to heaven, can I sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Also, are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Thank You God,
The Dog
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Jalus
Answering Machine Message 102
With apologies to Robert Burns:
O ma phone is but an ebon box,
Wha' rings when I'm awa'.
And my tape machine waits,
For your call,
This message for ta play.
So leave ye message at the beep,
Then bide ye well a while,
For I will hear your voice,
ONE DAY,
and call ye wi' a smile.
Grandpa and God
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?”I mentally polished my halo while I asked, “Now, how are we alike?”
“You’re both old,” he replied.
Where Do You Want to Go?
The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven!" they all piped up.
"And what do you have to do to get there?"
They said, "Be dead!"
Sad story /Safe SEX
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore.A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
