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Short jokes - funny one liners (7881 to 7920)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 7881 to 7920. |
Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?
Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?
TBecause everytime they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle
A lot of martial artists suffe
A lot of martial artists suffer from dyslexia, and end up as box kickers.A lady on a commuter train was
A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics.Fascinated, she turned to the man next to her and said, "Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?"
"Really!?" he said, "Have you tried mouthwash?"
“I searched for desig
“I searched for designer compression stockings. My wife says it is because I'm so vein.”
Grandmother started walking
'My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the hell she is.'
Ellen DeGeneres (January 26 1958-)
Picture: Kevin Winter/Getty Images
Such a crap day
I had such a crap day.
Then I got fired from my job as a bus driver. Ugh..
Sign on company bulleting boar...
Sign on company bulleting board: “This firm requires no physical-fitness program. Everyone gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions, flying of the handle, running down the boss, flogging dead horses, knifing friend in the back, dodging responsibility, and pushing their luck.”
@kirkfox won't save you
I USED TO THINK THAT I COULD BE A HERO.
I USED TO WANT TO,BUT AS I'VE GOTTEN OLDER,
I'VE REALIZED THERE'S LESS AND LESS PEOPLE
THAT I WANT TO SAVE.
@kirkfox won't save you. http://on.cc.com/1HeB2l4
I used to have sex daily...
I used to have sex daily...
Then Reddit taught me it was just dyslexia...
Dreaming
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Good advice...
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when, all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!!" and the cat runs away.
"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby, "how important it is for you to learn a foreign language?"
John and Tony were in the bar,
John and Tony were in the bar, pondering over Tony's problems."Andrea and I want to get married," said Tony, "but we can't find anywhere to live."
"Why don't you live with Andrea's parents?" suggested John.
"We can't do that," said Tony, "they're living with their parents!"
“I really would put m
“I really would put my wife on a pedestal if she wasn't so afraid of heights.”
I don't want any publicity
"I don't want any publicity – you get too many begging letters. If they're anything like the ones I send out I don't want to know!"
Tony Hancock (1924-1968)
Picture: Rex Features
Tree Menace
Q: What is green and fuzzy, has four legs and will kill you if it drops from a tree?
A: A pool table.
A Silent Bomb in Church
An elderly couple were in church. The wife leaned over and whispered to her husband, "I just let out a long silent fart... what should I do?"The husband replied, "Replace the batteries in your hearing aid."
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member eyesoftheworld
Jobs
Teacher to a student: "Can you think of a solution to end unemployment?""Yes, sir! I'd put all the men on one island and the women on another."
"And what would they be doing then?"
"Building boats!"
“A cloud is most like
“A cloud is most likely to snow when it's relaxed. At that time it's pretty chill.”
Switching channels
An old married couple was at home watching TV.
The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:
"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"
Teacher to a student: "Can you
Teacher to a student: "Can you think of a solution to end unemployment?""Yes, sir! I'd put all the men on one island and the women on another."
"And what would they be doing then?"
"Building boats!"
Do you have a sore back? You a
Do you have a sore back? You are acting rather disc hurteous.Lost It All
A man is complaining to a friend: “I had it all, money, a beautiful house, a nice car, a great motorcycle, the love of a beautiful woman. Then it was all gone!”“What happened?” asks the friend.
“My wife found out!” replied the man.
Yo mama so old she was a waitr
Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.Thee You In The Moth Pit
Why do moths fly with their legs open?
Cause they've got huge mothballs!
