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Short jokes - funny one liners (7841 to 7880)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 7841 to 7880. |
How do you know Barbie is not
How do you know Barbie is not a slut? Because her legs don't open.
Reading a poem by Shakespeare
'I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.'
Spike Milligan (1918-2002)
Picture: Rex Features
“After going litter p
“After going litter picking I found I was very knowledgeable in litterature.”
Patton Oswalt - My Fitness Goal
My Fitness Goal: I would like I stop looking like I am wearing bulletproof vest all the time @PattonOswalt http://on.cc.com/1rtkHzr Clocks Can't Keep a Secret
Q: Why shouldn't you tell a secret around a clock?
A: Time will tell.
Small child picked
'I was not a particularly small child. I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school nativity.'
Jo Brand (July 23 1957-)
Picture: Craig Sugden
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"When the Church ruled the World it was called the Dark Ages."Running on Motor Speedway on my John Deere
“I drove around the Indianapolis Motor Speedway on my John Deere. I was on a track tour.”
Dave Attell likes it when a woman is on top
I like when a woman is on top. Because, when a woman's on top you know what your job is?
Not to die!
@attell. http://on.cc.com/1BuUmsO
A sewage farm
'A sewage farm. In what way is it a farm? Is there a farm shop?'
Jack Dee (September 24 1961-)
Picture: Clara Molden
Two prostitutes are standing o
Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says, "Tonight is gonna be a good night. I can smell the dick in the air." The other says, "Sorry, I just burped."A man and his wife were sittin...
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a “Living Will”"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.
Converting to the Society of Friends
Rabbi 1: We've got to do something. Many of the young people in our synagogue are converting to the Quaker faith.Rabbi 2: I've noticed that too. In fact, some of my best Jews are Friends!
Tv
yo momma so fat that when she walked past the tv you missed 5mins of your showComplete and Finished
There is a subtle but important difference between the words "complete" and "finished."
When you marry the right one, you are complete.
When you marry the wrong one, you are finished.
And if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are completely finished.
“I asked a librarian
“I asked a librarian if she was free this afternoon, she said she was all booked up.”
Turn-down service in posh hotels
Posh hotels have a turn-down service. I had never heard of this and there was a knock at the door and a woman said, I've come to turn down your bed. To which I said, Well many women have in the past. Why should you be any different?
Michael McIntyre (December 21 1976-)
Picture: Andrew Crowley
I told my fiance that we should get married on a nude beach.
I told my fiance that we should get married on a nude beach.
That way we can really see who the best man is.
Get Me An Ambulence Now
A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.
Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!
Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!
“If you can't differ
“If you can't differentiate a blue collar and white collar worker by his hands, it is callous indifference.”
How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. They're very efficient and don't have a great sense of humour.
Q. What do you do when your no
Q. What do you do when your nose goes on strike?A. You picket!
“The thing about vamp
“The thing about vampires is they always have such biting humour.”
One-armed butlers
'One-armed butlers - they can take it but they can't dish it out.'
Tim Vine (March 4 1967-)
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"If you believe you can tell me what to think, I believe I can tell you where to go."A husband asks his wife, "Will
A husband asks his wife, "Will you marry after I die?" The wife responds, "No, I will live with my sister."The wife asks him back, "Will you marry after I die?" The husband responds, "No, I will also live with your sister."Political Pampers
How are politicians like diapers?
You have to change them both often, and for the same reason.
A little Boy was about to eat
A little Boy was about to eat a plate full of delicious meal for Dinner when his mom notice his urge to eat the food, she quickly ask him "have you said your prayer before eating that meal", The Boy replied "No I won't because I Don't want to give 10% of my Dinner".Play chess with bald men
'I like to play chess with bald men in the park, although it's hard to find 32 of them.'
Emo Phillips (February 7 1956-)
Picture: Matthew Simmons/Getty Images
Piercing a Pirate
Q: How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A: A buck an ear.
You Are So Cheap - Door Bell
You are so cheap . . .
When someone rang your doorbell, your kids had to yell,
"ding dong!"
A cop pulls a young guy over:<
A cop pulls a young guy over:"Hello officer" said the smart aleck kid.
"Young man did you see that stop sign?" asked the cop.
Yup, but I didn't see you!
