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Short jokes - funny one liners (801 to 840)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 801 to 840. |
Biblical Financiers
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter.
She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
The pope just turned 90. So th
The pope just turned 90. So the Vatican had a big celibation.How can you tell if a little p
How can you tell if a little person is blind?If you have Celiac disease, th
If you have Celiac disease, then learn to speak Turkish or Korean. They are agglutin-hating languages!I build snowmen in my sleep. I
I build snowmen in my sleep. I suffer from snowmanbulism.Kung fu actor Bruce E.
Kung fu actor Bruce E.Z. Lee couldn't take a punch.A Break-Up
Me: {sobbing my heart out, eyes swollen, nose red) "I can't see you anymore. I am NOT going to let you hurt me like that again!"
Trainer: "It was a sit-up. You did one sit-up."
The unmarried Mafia boss was a
The unmarried Mafia boss was affectionately known as The Old Made.Throwing Mayo
Someone threw a bottle of mayonnaise at me yesterday...
I was like, "What the Hellmann?!?!"
Nigerian online scam artists a
Nigerian online scam artists are actually based in E-gypt.When was the yoyo originally u
When was the yoyo originally used in combat?Genocidal clan killings in Afr
Genocidal clan killings in Africa? Don't get me started on a die a tribe!It's Only Human
"I've created a new computer that is almost human."
"You mean that it can think, feel and reason just like a human would?"
"No, but when it makes a mistake it blames it on another computer."
I heard Vladimir Putin started
I heard Vladimir Putin started a company and I thought, ‘Well, that's biz czar.'If the Pilgrims Were Alive
In class, the teacher was trying desperately to get the students to think. He asked, “If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?”One student quickly responded, “Their age.” A Talking Tree
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
"You can't cut me down," the tree exclaims, "I'm a talking tree!"
The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
Hannibal Lecter has an rong
Hannibal Lecter has an eat a face complex.What do shrimp watch to get in
What do shrimp watch to get in the mood?Gift Exchange
My friend reviewed her young son’s fill-in-the-blank homework.
One line: “At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ___________.”
His response: “Receipts.”
Pharmaceuticals is a v
Pharmaceuticals is a vial industry.Always the Red Crayon
Why did the nurse always choose the red crayon?
Because she always has to draw blood.
Which Australian mammal is mos
Which Australian mammal is most devious?Understanding quark flavours r
Understanding quark flavours requires deep quantumplation.Went Where
Teacher: "I have went. That's wrong isn't it?"
Little Johnny: "Yes ma'am."
Teacher: "Why is it wrong?"
Little Johnny: "Because you ain't went yet."
Why Didn't Cain Please God?
Q: Why didn't Cain please God?A: Because he just wasn't Able.The chiropractor told my pregn
The chiropractor told my pregnant wife and I that our unborn child should have an adjustment. But I think he was just trying to fetus align.21st Century Newspaper
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century," she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.".
I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him!
Old Watch
My young daughter was wearing a beat up old watch a friend had given her.
I asked her, "Does it tell the time?"
My daughter looked at me and said, "No, you have to look at it."
