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Short jokes - funny one liners (8001 to 8040)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 8001 to 8040. |
Alfie was listening to his sis...
Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols.""Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?"
Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
A couple of terrorist were mak
A couple of terrorist were making letter bombs. After they had finished, one said: “Do you think I put enough explosive in this envelope? “I don’t know,” said the other. “Open it and see.” “But it will explode.” “Don’t be stupid! It’s not addressed to you!Exchanging spoken-word cookboo
Exchanging spoken-word cookbooks is recipe prosody.Letters From Charities
I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money.
The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer's group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them!
“If you want a big ba
“If you want a big bang for your dollar, buying balloons is okay, but buying wood to build a fire works.”
A little kids sends a letter t
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas."Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."Abraham Linkedinro
Abraham Linkedin was incredibly well-connected.The Atheist And The Loch Ness Monster
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!""Come on God, give me a break!!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"
Firing squad
What does an Armenian firing squad look like?
10 guys in a circle.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
As a toddler I was elected Pre
As a toddler I was elected President of my daycare. It was majority drools.“The very cause for v
“The very cause for varicose veins for cops on beat duty at traffic intersections is 'Standing Orders'.”
“I was thinking that
“I was thinking that hot air balloon operators don't make very good friends. Sure they can be uplifting at times, but in the end they always bring you down.”
“When the church post
“When the church posted the new, sped up service schedule on the plaza it was mass times acceleration squared.”
The magician nonchalantly stab
The magician nonchalantly stabbed his assistant, displaying remarkable slayed offhand.When accusing an elderly comed
When accusing an elderly comedian of assault, there has to be probable Cosby.
Star Wars factoid: Back in col
Star Wars factoid: Back in college, he worked in the Imperial Pub, and was known as Darth Waiter.Taxation
Ever wonder why the IRS calls it, "Form 1040?"
Because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.
Life under the waves is unhapp
Life under the waves is unhappy. Everywhere you look, you sea anemone.Little Johnny came running int
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?""No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
If Jesus were a cross-dresser,
If Jesus were a cross-dresser, would that have made him the Pantie-Christ?“The girl quit her jo
“The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.”
Light It Up
Q: Why do fireflies light up while they are having sex?
A: They're so turned on.
Military
Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Q. How does Bill Gates enter h
Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house?A. He uses "windows".
What's the sweatiest Jed
What's the sweatiest Jedi workout? Hot Yoda.
A visitor to a college campus
A visitor to a college campus paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall. "It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway.""Actually," said the guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."
"Oh? Was Joshua Hemingway a writer also?"
"Yes, indeed. He wrote a check."
Absentminded Doctor to Patient
After a relaxing vacation, the doctor go in to see his
patient. The doctor says, "I have some bad news and some even
worse news. The bad new is you only have a week to live."
The patient replies, "Oh my God! What could be worse?"
The doctor replies, "I should have told you last week."
