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Short jokes - funny one liners (8641 to 8680)

Short jokes - funny one liners (8641 to 8680)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 8641 to 8680.

Fish On The Wall

What did the fish say when he hit a wall?

Dam!

#joke #short #animal #fish
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

“Earl Grey was away o...

“Earl Grey was away on business during the election. So he cast an absent-tea ballot.”

#joke #short #drinks #tea
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #116 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Yo momma so fat she wakes up o...

Yo momma so fat she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

Graveyard Salon

Q: What was the name of the hair salon next to the graveyard?

A: "Curl Up and Dye."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

“People might think I...

“People might think I'm a bit of a square, but that just means I'm exactly right on every angle.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.75/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (8)

Redhead: "You ever smelled mot...

Redhead: "You ever smelled moth balls?"
Blonde: "Yes, I think they smell good."
Redhead: "Wow, I can't believe you got your nose between those tiny legs."
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (10)

“If you make candles ...

“If you make candles you are going to need a lot of paraffin-alia.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

Q: What's red and smells like ...

Q: What's red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (6)

Angelic Love

"My wife is an angel."

"Lucky you. Mine's still alive."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

Marriage counselor

Husband to counselor: We were very happy for 22 years.

Counselor: What happened?

Husband: We got married.

Counselor, turning to wife: Do you agree with your husband's assessment of your marriage?

Wife: Yes, the only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

TEACHER: Why are you late, Fra...

TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.27/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (11)

Wife: "I look fat. Can you gi...

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Children and Cars

Children in the backseat can cause accidents.

Accidents in the backseat can cause children.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.88/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (8)

Lost....

An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. "Am I glad to see you!" he said. "I've been lost for three days."

"Don't get too excited, friend," the other hunter replied. "I've been lost for three weeks."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

“An avionics warning ...

“An avionics warning is a flier alarm.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

Two caged circus lions break f...

Two caged circus lions break free and corner a clown in his dressing room. One lion says to the other, "Forget it, those things taste funny."
#joke #short #animal #lion
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

Blind Dinosaur

Q: What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A: Do-you-think-he-saur-us.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.89/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (9)

Answering Machine Message 156


Hi, I'm not home because I've gone on a BLOODY RAMPAGE! When I get home, and CLEAN OFF THE BLOOD, I'll be sure to give you a call. If I haven't ALREADY COME OVER, that is. (Coughing loony laughter.)

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (5)

“Digest is morbid hum...

“Digest is morbid humor.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (7)

“The boxer wasn't a g...

“The boxer wasn't a good comedian. He can't find the right hook.”

#joke #short #sport #boxer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (10)

“The trout got caught...

“The trout got caught by the fisherman. Now he's in a boatload of trouble.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.22/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (9)

Time For a Get Together

What time is it when 20 dogs and one cat get together?

20 after one.

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (9)

“The magazine's ratio...

“The magazine's rationale for running the story was paper thin.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (8)

Ants In Yer Pants

Q: Why did the ant fall off the toilet bowl?

A: He got pissed off.

#joke #short #animal #ant
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (6)

Lost in the woods

Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions:

an in-tune bagpipe player, an out-of-tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?

A. The out-of-tune bagpipe player.

The other two indicate you have been

hallucinating.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Why Did He Fire You?


Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, "Say, why did the foreman fire you?"
Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Holding It In

Q: What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public?

A: A private tooter.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Soft and wet

What goes in hard and dry and comes out wet and soft? Chewing gum

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.57/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (7)

“I refuse to work wit...

“I refuse to work with compost, it's degrading.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (9)

Women with duck

Women goes into a bar with a duck under her arm.

Bartenders says "what'll the pig have."

The woman says, "that's not a pig, that's a duck!".

I know says the bartender, "I was talking to the duck."

#joke #short #animal #pig
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.71/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (7)

“I got a job with a c...

“I got a job with a company that manufactures trampolines. Now I'll have something to fall back on.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Yo momma so stupid it took her...

Yo momma so stupid it took her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (6)

Amish jobs

Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?

A. A mechanic!

#joke #short #animal #horse
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.60/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (5)

Blonde math

Q. How do you teach a blonde math?

A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.45/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (11)

“I held the door for ...

“I held the door for a mime the other day, I thought it was a nice gesture.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (3)

A redneck's last words are alw...

A redneck's last words are always, "Hey y'all, watch this!"
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

Marriage

What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?

Marriage.

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

First day at school...

The child comes home from his first day at school.

His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

“What do you call a p...

“What do you call a pig in a rickshaw? Pulled pork.”

#joke #short #animal #pig
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

What do marriage and a tornado...

What do marriage and a tornado have in common? In the beginning there's a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end someone loses a house.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

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