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Short jokes - funny one liners (8681 to 8720)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 8681 to 8720. |
Answering Machine Message 09
Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!... Don't...!
“Steve was such a gre...
“Steve was such a great con man that he made millions by selling his book 'The Path to Logical Lying'.”
Banging and Banking
Sex is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
Ultimate rejection
What's the ultimate rejection?When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
What would you like for your birthday....
A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?"
She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce."
"My goodness," he says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."
Bra & Hat
What did the bra say to the hat?
"You go on ahead, while I give these two a lift."
Q: What do you call a woman wh...
Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is 24 hours a day/seven days a week?A: A widow.
No more nailbiting...
Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."
My Billy used to do the same things," the older woman replied, "but I broke him of that pesky habit."
"How?"
"I hid his teeth!"
“The farmer was surpr...
“The farmer was surprised when his pumpkin won a blue ribbon at the State Fair. He shouted, 'Oh, my gourd.'”
Special childrens rate...
A little child was in church for the first time and watched as the ushers passed the offering plates.
When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster said in a little voice loud enough for everyone to hear:
"Don't pay for me, Daddy. I'm under five."
Yo mama's so broke that she co...
Yo mama's so broke that she couldn't even pay attention.The Giant With Diarrhea
Q: Did you hear about the giant with diarrhea?
A: You didn't? It's all over town.
Answering Machine Message 136
I'm unable to take your call in person because I'm having an out-of-the-body experience. In fact I'm standing right behind you and I can hear everything you say. But leave me a message anyway to help me reconnect when I get back.
Q: What worse than finding out...
Q: What worse than finding out your ex-wife got cancer? A: Finding out it's curable.“Textile workers who ...
“Textile workers who lived at the manufacturing site in fabricated dwellings were closely knitted.”
“The lumberjack loved...
“The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.”
As the plane was flying low ov...
As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?""Just snow," replied the stewardess.
"That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."
I got pulled over by a police ...
I got pulled over by a police officer and his dog sniffs for drugs. He comes over and says to me, "My dog says you have weed in the car." I responded, "Well I don't know about that, but I want whatever got you talking to the dog!"“I'm reading a book a...
“I'm reading a book about black holes by Stephen Hawkins, it really draws you in.”
