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Short jokes - funny one liners (9081 to 9120)

Short jokes - funny one liners (9081 to 9120)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 9081 to 9120.

Wandering mind

Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wander?

It's too little to be out alone.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Yisman

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.89/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (9)

“The n*dist was acqui...

“The n*dist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.22/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (9)

SLIDESHOW #141 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Sex is like software

Sex is like software: For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it free.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by calamjo

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.57/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (7)

“Primate grandmothers...

“Primate grandmothers look stylish in a baboonshka.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.36/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (11)

The Flying Condom

Q: Why was the condom flying through the air?

A: It got pissed off.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.75/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (8)

A philanthropist is a man who ...

A philanthropist is a man who gives away what he should be giving back.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (7)

“Dermatologists are v...

“Dermatologists are very competitive. They all have skin in the game.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.27/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (11)

Funny jokes-Abstract noun

The English teacher Mrs. Brown was teaching nouns on a Wednesday morning. She said to her class, "An abstract noun is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Who can give give me an example of one?"

"I can," said Sam, a teenager. "My father's new car."
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.22/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (9)

Roses are red

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I'm schizophrenic

And so am I

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.43/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (7)

Hilarious jokes-Market broker

I'm thinking of leaving my husband, complained Amy, my yoga batch mate and the wife of a stock market broker. "All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil...

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (6)

“My skiing skills are...

“My skiing skills are really going downhill.”

#joke #short #sport #skiing
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.82/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (11)

Really funny jokes-Biggest feet

Val, a Norwegian, had a son, Val Junior who was studying in the fourth standard. One day Val Junior returned from school and asked his father: “I have the biggest feet in the fourth grade, is it because I am a Norwegian?”

Val Senior: “No. It's because you are eighteen.”
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

Rectum

Johnny's teacher asked the class how their weekends were.

"Horrible," said Johnny. "A car hit my cat in the ass!"

"Rectum," said the teacher. "Say rectum."

"Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!"

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.57/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (7)

Blonde Brain Cells

Q: How do a blonde's brain cells die?

A: Alone.

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.36/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (11)

“Have you heard the j...

“Have you heard the joke about the bomb? It had no impact.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (8)

One line jokes-When baking

Include your children when baking your cookies.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.50/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (8)

Redneck Meal

Q: How many rednecks does take to eat possum?

A: Three. One to eat it and two to look out for cars.

#joke #short #food #meal #redneck
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.29/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (7)

“Shakespeare had to g...

“Shakespeare had to get his act together to finish his play.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (7)

First Day of School

Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?

A: Bison

#joke #short #animal #buffalo
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (6)

“Deaf mathematicians ...

“Deaf mathematicians communicate through sin language.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (7)

Short funny jokes-Dizzy

They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true.

As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (8)

“The electrician work...

“The electrician worked hard to get in shape so he could perform with Circuit Soleil.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Taxi Fare

A frat boy gets into the back of a cab and asks the cabbie, "Do you have enough room up there for a pizza and a six pack of beer?"

The cabbie says, "Sure." So the frat boy leans forward and throws up.

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.40/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (10)

If I could rearrange the alpha...

If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.78/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (9)

West Virginia State Flower

What's the state flower of West Virginia?

A satellite dish.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (10)

Lottery

A wife comes in and yells, ''Honey, pack your clothes! I just won the lottery!''

Her husband yells back, ''Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?''

The wife replies, ''I don't care! Just get the hell out!''

#joke #short #food #honey
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (8)

What Will The Neighbors Think?

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money."
#joke #short #food #honey
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 8.02/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (51)

“Astral projection to...

“Astral projection to church is mass tranceportation.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.69/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (13)

This joke is toast

Q: What does a slice of toast wear to bed?

A: Jammies

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

terminology

Important Legal Terminology

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law BEFORE the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law AFTER the criminal has been arrested, we call him a defense attorney.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.29/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (7)

TEACHER: Donald, what is the c...

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (9)

“How does a card play...

“How does a card player party? They shuffle.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.27/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (11)

Really funny jokes-Children of Movie stars

The children of two movie actresses were talking.

Tina: “Somebody told me you have a new father, how is he?”

Rita: “Really nice. Come to my place, you can meet him. I am sure you will like him.”

Tina: “I have already met him. Last year, he was my father too.”
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.

I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (7)

Short funny jokes-Phone number

Guess what happened when I requested an economist to give me his phone number - i got an estimate.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.57/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (7)

“The geologist went t...

“The geologist went to the doctor because he had a loss of apatite.”

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (10)

80-Pounder

Did you hear about the 120-pound guy with the 60-pound testicles?

People say he was half-nuts!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.70/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (10)

Clean jokes-English Channel

Mrs. Kapoor, the English teacher asked a student in class, "Rahul, where is the English Channel?"

Rahul replied, "No idea Madam, our television doesn't pick it up."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.22/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (9)

“While practicing the...

“While practicing the drums in the bassment, the boy fell, hit his head, and got a percussion.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (9)

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