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Short jokes - funny one liners (961 to 1000)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 961 to 1000. |
Never look back in a seniors h
Never look back in a seniors home – someone may be caning on you!G Forces At Work
You can't spell gravity without gravy...
And you can't spill gravy without gravity!
Winning the Powerball
I just want you to know that if I win the Powerball tonight, it won't change me.
It will change my phone number, my email address, my mailing address...
Wired? Then why read
Wired? Then why read? #joke #short
I Couldn't Look At Another Man
After he died, I couldn't even look at another man for almost 20 years.
But now that I'm out of prison, I can honestly say it was worth it.
NED: My arms and legs are bubb
NED: My arms and legs are bubbling over!ED: Huh?
NED: It's true, I have limb-foama!
Slowing Down
You know you've reached middle age...
When you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.
Some South Americans visited I
Some South Americans visited Italy, and the country's beauty made them cry. I think they were Venice wailin'.Look at Superman's abs.
Look at Superman's abs. The guy is krypt.Cold Cream
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
The corn farmer was so cheap.
The corn farmer was so cheap. Everyone called him a maizer.Why did the flower seller expa
Why did the flower seller expand his shop?If you get nostalgic about chi
If you get nostalgic about childhood camping trips you are just living in the past tents.Downed 22 Russian Fighter Jets
My brother just broke the record by downing 22 Russian jets in Ukraine...
He'll forever be remembered as the worst mechanic in the Russian Air Force!
Today marks the first time we
Today marks the first time we ever May Day pun.Someone Just Called
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then hung up.
I’m getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
Did You See the Joke?
Did anyone see the joke I posted recently about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
Just Like Family
Saw a sign at a store that said, "We treat you like family."
I'm not going in there.
No Life Insurance for Grandpa
"Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?"
"So you can all be really sad when I die."
Graverobbers get up to a lot o
Graverobbers get up to a lot of skulldiggery.It's Not A Stretch
As I get older, I notice that my wife and my hamstrings have a lot in common.
They're both inflexible.
Those who split the atom were
Those who split the atom were true divisionaries.Did the world end? Oops…
Did the world end? Oops… never Mayan!Don't ask us to make pun
Don't ask us to make puns about voyeurism. It's not our perv view.Goodbye Disney
As my family was leaving Disney World, my daughter waved and said, "Goodbye Minnie!"
My son waved and said, "Goodbye Mickey!"
I waved and said, "Goodbye money!"
A tire salesman must have an i
A tire salesman must have an inflated sense of self worth, and be willing to live a pneumatic life.
Close Shave
My neighbor shaves 15-20 times a day...
No, he's not crazy... he's just a barber.
Pigeons can't make up th
Pigeons can't make up their minds. They're always shitting on the fence!
Do pirates get their J
Do pirates get their Jollies by Rogering?The boat maker was taken hosta
The boat maker was taken hostage, and held for transom.Jimmy the Insomniac
My cousin Jimmy was having a terrible time falling asleep unless he was lying on a pile of old magazines.
It turns out he had back issues.
The One Big Halloween Scare
I told my wife that there is only one thing that scares me on Halloween.
My wife: Which is?
Me: Exactly!
