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Short jokes - funny one liners (11761 to 11800)

Short jokes - funny one liners (11761 to 11800)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 11761 to 11800.

From a passenger ship one can ...

From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving is hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

The man accused of bad breath ...

The man accused of bad breath was surprisingly gracious. Quote, “I harbour no recent mints.”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #120 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Mike Vecchione: Flight to Australia

I was in Australia last year. Thats a long flight. That flight was so long, I got the girl next to me pregnant. We raised the child on the plane. Time for us to land in Sydney, get him a rugby scholarship.
#joke #short #sport #rugby
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (10)

On the first day of school, a ...

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.

The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Are archers into arrow...

Are archers into arrow dynamics?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Answering Machine Message 251


Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.89/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (54)

Long winded...

A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours. Finally, he realized what he had done and said, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."

A voice from the back of the room replied, "There's a calendar behind you..."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (7)

Chelsea Peretti: Getting Attacked

I always think, what would I do if someone tried to get me? My first thought is just something dumb, like Id try to pick my nose and just be gross. In my mind a rapist is just some white hat frat boy whod just be like, Ugh nasty, forget it. Learn some manners.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.09/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (58)

I sneezed in my sleep. Now I&#...

I sneezed in my sleep. Now I'm afraid I have bed boogas.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

Blonde Throwing a Pin

Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

A: Run! She has a gernade in her mouth!

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.57/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (7)

Scratch and Sniff Inc. is shut...

Scratch and Sniff Inc. is shutting down the ol factory, by odour of the CEO, who said staying in business no longer made scents.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (2)

Blondes and Grenades

Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a Grenade at you?

A: You pull the pin out and throw it back at her.

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

Answering Machine Message 17


I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order. I am leaving a broken CD player in its place. It can't take messages either. In fact, it can't even play you a nice tune while you wait to not leave a message.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Three old pilots are walking o...

Three old pilots are walking on the ramp. First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?”
Second says, “No, its Thursday!”
Third one says, “So am I. Lest go get a beer.”
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

The 70% off sale at the coat s...

The 70% off sale at the coat store caused quite a frockus.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (2)

After the christening of his b...

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all
the way home in the back seat of the car, his father asked him three
times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he
wanted us brought up in a Christian home and I wanted to stay with you
guys."
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.25/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (8)

Lepers live and die by...

Lepers live and die by the sore.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

cold blonde

What do you call a blonde in a freezer?

Frosted flakes........

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Kyle Kinane: This Is America

This is America. It is my God given right to be loudly opinionated about something I am completely ignorant of.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.68/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (47)

Sam: Dad, would you do my math...

Sam: Dad, would you do my math homework for me?
Dad: No, son, it wouldn’t be right.
Sam: Well, at least you could try.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (5)

The outdoor landscaping indust...

The outdoor landscaping industry is controlled by the Camorra mafia. It's a mow Napoli.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

China

what does china say to the world? 2 dolla fiftee cent Why do chinese people starve? Sumo wrestlers eat all the rice Why does most of america suck? its made in china how does china have a billion people? pregnant sluts
#joke #short #food #rice
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.55/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (11)

A vertically challenged psychi...

A vertically challenged psychic was arrested one day. He escaped from jail and the newspaper headline read, "SMALL MEDIUM AT-LARGE."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (32)

Is it true Aristotle invented ...

Is it true Aristotle invented the sperm bank? No, but he did popularize the silo jism.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (6)

A man wrote a letter to the IR...

A man wrote a letter to the IRS: “I have been unable to sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income and have enclosed a check for $200.00. If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest.”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.60/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (5)

This must be a joke: the Canad...

This must be a joke: the Canadian dollar is at parody.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.20/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (5)

The strip club dancer once att...

The strip club dancer once attended mass, but now she's a laps Catholic.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (6)

Greg Giraldo: On Catholicism

We have a whole religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.47/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (59)

Bisexual

(To the tune...

Bisexual

(To the tune of "O Christmas Tree")

Bisexual, Bisexual
How free to love each gender!
Bisexual, Bisexual
How free to love each gender!

You'll sleep with women and with men
You'll switch and then go back again.

Bisexual, Bisexual
How free to love each gender!
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (2)

A man sat down and was serious...

A man sat down and was seriously staring at the marriage certificate, after a long time his wife asked, “What are you looking for? He replied, “The expiration date.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.83/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (6)

Drinking enough

Today, people are drinking enough liquid to turn the O'sheas green.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.64/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (11)

Greg Giraldo: High Self-Esteem

If everyone grows up with high self-esteem, whos gonna dance in our strip clubs?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.91/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (45)

Late one night a mugger wearin...

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs "give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "you can't do this – I am a United States congressman!" "In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

Boris Yeltsin drank so much he...

Boris Yeltsin drank so much he became glassnosed.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (2)

Arabia remains arid and grassl...

Arabia remains arid and grassless, despite the best efforts of the House of Saud.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

I told my oral hygiene profess...

I told my oral hygiene professional that I wash my mouth with plaque. He looked at me like I was dentally retartared.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

"Vice President Cheney is...

"Vice President Cheney is also on vacation. He's in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. What better place for a guy who has had 4 heart attacks than a place with thin air, rugged hiking and all beef dinners? Why don't they get some snow for him to shovel while he's out there, too?" -- Jay Leno
#joke #short #food #dinner #beef #sport #hiking
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

Visual artists are eas...

Visual artists are easelly inspired.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

The unhappy bride came with a ...

The unhappy bride came with a quite a doury.
#joke #short #wedding #bride
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Medical Research

roNG>Would you like to have the Joke of the Day on your site? One line of HTML will put an automatically updated Joke of the Day wherever you like. For more information, click here
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

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