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Short jokes - funny one liners (12401 to 12440)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 12401 to 12440. |
At a bar Tom said to Bill; “Un...
At a bar Tom said to Bill; “Uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took wheels from a Cadillac, radiator from a Lexus, tires from a Ford”“What did he get? Asked Bill
“Two years.” Said Tom
#joke #short
Tim asked Bob “What happened t...
Tim asked Bob “What happened to your uncle’s boat?”“Ever notice that big rock at the entrance to the Golden Gate?” said Bob.
“Yes, I have” replied Tim.
“Well, he didn’t” said Bob.
#joke #short
For unemployed physicists, the...
For unemployed physicists, the Large Hadron Collider is a make-quark project.#joke #short
After much arguing and deliber...
After much arguing and deliberation, historians have come up with a phrase to describe the Clinton Era.It will be called SEX BETWEEN THE BUSHES.
#joke #short
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"If you were made in God's image, how did you get to be so ugly?"
#joke #short
The workman was hanging a sigh...
The workman was hanging a sigh outside of Congress. It read, “Solicitors, fakers and grafters will not be permitted in the House.”Just then a senator happened by. “Better strike out grafters,” he said, “or we’ll never be able to raise a quorum.”
#joke #short
Which Greek philosopher'...
Which Greek philosopher's wife never shaved? Heraclitas.#joke #short
By yourself
Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.
#joke #short
Are Hindus waiting for end of ...
Are Hindus waiting for end of days aka Karma-gettin'?#joke #short
A man visiting New York stoppe...
A man visiting New York stopped at a restaurant which claimed it could supply any dish ordered, so the tourist asked the waiter for Kangaroo on toast. The waiter came back a while later and said, “I am so sorry, sir, but we have run out of bread.”The cheapest kind of flowers c...
The cheapest kind of flowers cost only peonies.#joke #short
"The real question now is...
"The real question now is, is this a one-time thing, or will the vice president try to kill again." -- David Letterman#joke #short
Creating genetic hybrids of a ...
Creating genetic hybrids of a species is known as animalgamation.#joke #short
Kiddie pool
The judge in the Michael Jackson child molestation trial selected 250 candidates for the jury pool, which Jackson himself has selected 20 for the kiddie pool.#joke #short
Never date a downhill skier. Y...
Never date a downhill skier. You'll end up with slopey seconds.#joke #short
Patton Oswalt: Moving America Forward
We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hippies that can shave and bathe.#joke #short
A man is being interviewed for...
A man is being interviewed for a job. “What are your qualifications for the job of night watchman?” “The slightest noise wakes me up.”#joke #short
A doctor broke the bad news to...
A doctor broke the bad news to a man, that his wife would have to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. “I’m afraid her mind’s completely gone,” he said. “Makes sense,” mumbled the man. “She’s been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 15 years.”
Anniversary
A guy says, "For our Twentieth Anniversary, I'm taking my wife to Australia."His friend says, "That's going to be tough to beat. What are you going to do for your Twenty-fifth Anniversary?"
The first guy says, "I'm going to go back and get her."
#joke #short
What do you get if you cross a...
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a koala?Myq Kaplan: Not Encouraged to Be Smart
Youre not encouraged to be smart growing up. There are bullies and kids be like, Hey, Ill knock the books out of your hands. Now, neither of us can read.#joke #short
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
Lord, walk beside me with your arm on my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
#joke #short
Trivia Contest
I lost the trivia contest at the church social last night by one point.The last question was:
"Where do most women have curly hair?
Apparently the correct answer is: Africa.
#joke #short
Daniel Tosh: Who Sinned First
If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?#joke #short
Stupid Blonde Driver
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
What did the big chimney say t...
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?"You're too young to smoke"
#joke #short
Patton Oswalt: Makeover Shows
All these shows like I Want a Famous Face and The Swan -- basically what that is, is people go on national TV, and they tell America, I dont like how I look. Im so against growing an original personality or developing charm, Id rather have someone take a knife to my skull. #joke #short
Who invented the Allen key? I ...
Who invented the Allen key? I have no Ikea.#joke #short
The girl’s car couldn’t get st...
The girl’s car couldn’t get started and traffic was tied up for blocks. The light turned green, then yellow, then red. “Whatsa madda, miss,” shouted the officer. “Don’t you like any of our colors?”#joke #short #policeman
Todd Barry: Summer School
I never understood the concept of summer school. The teachers going to go up there and go, OK, class, you know that subject you couldnt grasp in nine months? Were going to whip it out in six weeks. #joke #short
