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Short jokes - funny one liners (12361 to 12400)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 12361 to 12400. |
NED: Do you laugh at heart att...
NED: Do you laugh at heart attack puns?There once was a butch from Br...
There once was a butch from BremenWho didn't like to have sex with men
Then her date wore a strap-on
Which she sat herself upon
And now she is suddenly fem'nin
Paul F. Tompkins: Would Crack Be So Bad
Let me ask you this rhetorically -- which means dont answer me when I ask it: would crack be so bad, and would people think so harshly of crack, if it were called crackle?Its A Waist?
Why is the space between a women's tits and hips called a waist?Because you could put another pair of tits there.
All the proof she needs?
A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked: 'Will you buy booze?'
The bum said: 'No'
The man asked 'Will you gamble it away?'
The bum said: 'No.'
Then the man asked: 'Will you come home with me, so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?'
Pulling the fur over his eyes...
A fella was saying to his friend, "My wife seems to have developed some sort of fixation that her collection of fur coats will be stolen. When I came home early one day last week, I found she'd hired someone to *guard* them! In fact, she stationed the poor guy right inside the closet!"
A book is an example of an ...
A book is an example of an eye-speed communication device.Adam Sandler: Just Be Dead
If a girl breaks up with me, I want her to just die, just be dead. Not cause I hate her so much as its just easier for when my friends go, Hey, what happened? Oh, shes dead. Id still be with her, but shes dead. What can I do? She was loving me, but shes dead.Good grades...
The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said...
"I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades.... somebody is going to get a spanking....".
His military etiquette #joke #humor
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again.
Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!
The trumpet player had been bl...
The trumpet player had been blasting away all day, when there was a knock on his door. “I live next door to you,” he explained. “Do you know I work nights?” “No,” said the trumpet player, “but if you hum a few bars, I’ll get the melody.”Church Billboards
* It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages ofsin.
* Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
* Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.
* Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons . . . come hear
one.
* Parking is for Church patrons only. Violators will be
baptized.
While drinking at the river, a...
While drinking at the river, a young bear admires its reflection and growls, “I am the king of beasts!” Along comes a lion and roars, “What was that I just heard?” “Oh, dear,” says the bear, “you say strange things when you’ve had too much to drink.”Lichen will only grow on a tre...
Lichen will only grow on a tree if it achieves a critical moss.Carl used to practice meditati...
Carl used to practice meditation on an old mat. His wife was not happy about the worn-out mat. One day Carl found the rug missing from its usual place. “Where is it?” he asked her sternly. “It has achieved nirvana,” she retorted.Yoga can be dangerous. If you&...
Yoga can be dangerous. If you're dressing for a class - wear a hazmat suit.My girlfriend is out in the car #joke #humor
After dinner one evening a George W. Bush was entertaining their house guest by playing the piano.At one point he turned to the visitor, a fat conservative talk show host, and said, "I understand you love music."
"Yes," murmured the guest politely. "But never you mind. Keep right on playing ..."
Jon Lajoie: Dreamt of a World
John Lennon imagined a world filled with peace and love. Martin Luther King dreamt of a world free from racial discrimination and oppression. The guy who invented the Frisbee, dreamt of a world where people would throw a fat, circular object at each other in order to pass the time. He succeeded.Wonder bra
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.Christopher Titus: Poker TV
People wonder why our kids are getting fat? Maybe its cause were sitting on our asses on the couch at home watching other people play cards on television? We cant even play cards ourselves. Yeah, Id cut the deck, but I dont want to reach my target heart rate.New Twist on an Old Prayer
A woman had been teaching her three-year-old daughter, the"Lord's Prayer". She carefully enunciated each word, right
up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation,"
she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail. Amen."
Answering Machine Message 172
Hi, you have reached Richard. I'm sorry, but my answering machine is out of order, so the voice you are hearing is actually me.
Things sure have changed...
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
They dont build guns like they...
They dont build guns like they used too. Too many modern firearms show signs of shotty workmanship.Little Johnny “why is your hom...
Little Johnny “why is your homework in your Dads writing?” the teacher asks.“I used his pen,” he replied.
The human body is 65% water, a...
The human body is 65% water, a 2:1 ratio. This explains our banking/financial crises: we are far too highly beveraged.What are the 3 most dangerous ...
What are the 3 most dangerous sayings in the Navy???1. An Ensign saying "I learned this at the Academy"
2. A Lieutenant saying "Based on my experience"
3. A Navy Chief saying "Hey, watch this"
