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Short jokes - funny one liners (12481 to 12520)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 12481 to 12520. |
Yo mama is so flat
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of the wall!Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a book!
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a piece of paper!
#joke #short #yomama
Tuscany is a s...
Tuscany is a slum! Everyone lives in chianti-towns. And I don't mean to grape, but in some French regions, all the houses are bordeauxed up. What a bunch of vine-os - the lowest of the Merlot!#joke #short
Face
Why are women like snow flakes?They are all beautiful.
They are all different.
They can all be cold as ice.
But they'll all melt when they land on your face...
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
#joke #short
Felipe Esparza: Coalition Forces
The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.#joke #short
Pro and Con
If pro- is the opposite of con- then congress must be the opposite of progress.
#joke #short
An organization is like a tree...
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
Q: What does every woman ...
Q: What does every woman call an intelligent, attractive, caring, loving and sensitive man?
A: A dream.
#joke #short
The starving vegan artist was ...
The starving vegan artist was willing to do anything to draw a celery.#joke #short
Chelsea Handler: My First Midget
I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away -- I dont think so.#joke #short
The drunk walking along the co...
The drunk walking along the country road saw the duck hunter lying in the brush with the gun poised toward the direction of the high-flying flock in the distance. “Shay, mishter,” advised the drunk. “Don’t waisht a shot. The fall’ll kill’em#joke #short
"Information? I need the ...
"Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company.""Would you spell that, please?"
"Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you."
"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
#joke #short
An elegantly dressed woman ent...
An elegantly dressed woman entered the business office and approached an executive.“Sir,” said the lady, “I am soliciting funds for the welfare and rehabilitation of wayward women. Would you care to donate?’ “Sorry,” replied the exec, “but I contribute directly.”!
#joke #short
Do Japanese fisherman write
Do Japanese fisherman write hook-u poems? Do MENSA members write high-IQs? Do doves write high-coos? #joke #short
#joke #short
Chelsea Handler: Not Excited About Alcoholism
Theres a good chance I may be an alcoholic. You think guys would be a little more excited about that. All they do is bitch and moan. You drink too much. You sleep too much. Its like, if you were drunk all the time, youd be tired, too. #joke #short
St. George and the Dragon
A tramp knocked on the door of the inn known as St. George and the Dragon. The landlady answered the door.
The tramp said, “Could you give a poor man something to eat?”
"No,” said the woman, slamming the door in his face.
He knocked again and said, “Could I have a few words with George?”
#joke #short
A man walks into a bar and he'...
A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drinkand asks what the problem is. All he says is, "all lawyers are a*******."
A man sitting in the corner shouts, "I take offense to that!"
The pissed-off guy asks him, "why? Are you a lawyer?"
He replies, "no, Iam
Do Italian vegetarians listen ...
Do Italian vegetarians listen to gino beets?#joke #short
Years ago someone in Californi...
Years ago someone in California hollered “Gold,” and people drove from all directions. That’s the way they still drive in California.#joke #short
Answering Machine Message 225
(Oriental voice:) Hello, you have reached honorable Chan's residence. I, Kato, will go and get honorable Chan. (Godzilla scream.) Oh no! Godzilla coming! Please leave name and number at gong and Chan will call back if house still here.
#joke #short
Billy and John were given a to...
Billy and John were given a toboggan for their birthday. After they had been out playing in the snow, Billy was in tears.“Now, John,” said his father, “I told you to let Billy use the toboggan half the time.” “And I did,” said Billy; “I had it going down, and he had it going up.”
The bishop was...
The bishop was excellent navigator. He was expert at working his way through all the little buoys.#joke #short
Rachel Feinstein: Sassy Mom
Shes got one of those crazy, kind of overly spiked mom-dos. Like her hair keeps getting more and more aggressive every time I see her. She looks insane. She looks a lot like Vanilla Ice at this point. Her hair looks like it was cut by a computer.Answering Machine Message 93
Cheers TV show theme song, "Where Everybody Knows your Name":
Sometimes you make a call,
Where you gotta leave your name,
'Cuz I can't come to the phone,
You gotta leave a message here,
right after the tone.
You made a call,
Where you gotta leave your name.
#joke #short
Is there a Greece ...
Is there a Greece fire? I see bill owing smoke.#joke #short
Pottery making
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.#joke #short
Wife: I dreamed you gave me $...
Wife: I dreamed you gave me $100 for summer clothes last night. You wouldn't spoil that dream, would you, Dear? Husband: Of course not, Darling. You may keep the $100.#joke #short
The teacher wrote on the black...
The teacher wrote on the blackboard, “I ain’t had no fun all summer.”“Now Paul,” she said. “What shall I do to correct this?”
“Get a boy friend.” Paul replied.
#joke #short
