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Short jokes - funny one liners (12521 to 12560)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 12521 to 12560. |
Which Transformers had fake br...
Which Transformers had fake breasts?#joke #short
Lesbians
What do you call a lesbian with a strong, long tongue?answer: talented & available
#joke #short
Quitting a job I don't l...
Quitting a job I don't like is my only resign for leaving!#joke #short
Mitch Hedberg: Emergency Brake
A lot of times, Ill drive for like 10 miles with the emergency brake. That doesnt say a lot for me, but it really doesnt say a lot for the emergency brake.#joke #short
Then there's the woman who goe...
Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist.As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls.
The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."
The woman replies, "Yes...And we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."
#joke #short
The iPad is a product of eons ...
The iPad is a product of eons of geology. Specifically, slate tech-tronics.#joke #short
Gabriel Iglesias: Tear It Up
Im a big boy, but I can get jiggy with it. Ladies, I will go to dance clubs, and I will tear it up hardcore for a good 30 seconds.#joke #short
Birthday Gift
Two old guys talking.One said to the other: "My 85th birthday yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV".
Other guy: "Wow, that's amazing! Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!"
First guy: "Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"
#joke #short
Our baby was born last week. W...
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?When the kids are in college.
#joke #short
Now that we are into renaming ...
Now that we are into renaming things like Mount Diablo, President Obama wants to rename the San Andreas Fault. His suggestion, Bush's Fault.#joke #short
If you drink too much water yo...
If you drink too much water you can insult people. It's not very pee see.#joke #short
Masturbate?
Why do men masturbate?It's sex with someone they love.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
#joke #short
Eliot Chang: Facebook Me
I hate when I meet a girl, Im trying to get to know her, and shes like, Oh, you can just Facebook me. Bitch, my face is here right now!#joke #short
The economy is so bad that: Mo...
The economy is so bad that: Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.#joke #short
The French fil...
The French film fest is haunted! I saw it in Star Trek II: the Wraith of Cannes#joke #short
All I Want for Chris
I'll give you a nice long wet kiss To start off our yule tide bliss Then once I've romanced ya It's time I depantsed ya By whipping your zipper like this!#joke #short
Lewis Black: Earth Day
We came up with Earth Day so we would have one day every year that would remind us what planet we were living on.#joke #short
After the examination the phys...
After the examination the physician handed the patient a prescription and said, “Take this medicine after each meal.” “But, Doc,” confessed the patient, “I have not eaten in four days.” “Fine,” said the doctor. “The medicine will last longer.”Little Johnny had finished his...
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother totell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.
One who runs in front of the c...
One who runs in front of the car gets tired. One who runs behind gets exhausted.#joke #short
Proof that Sar...
Proof that Sarah Palin's child isn't retarded is that he can do math. In fact, Trig functions.#joke #short
Patton Oswalt: U.S. Pot vs. Amsterdam Pot
The best marijuana that you smoke in the United States, you may as well be smoking shoelaces compared to the stuff they have [in Amsterdam.] The bud left its parents on Krypton.#joke #short
The judge had just awarded a d...
The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks myself."Guy: Haven’t I seen you somep...
Guy: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?Girl: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
#joke #short
The ancient Egyptians were fan...
The ancient Egyptians were fans of Miley's ancestor, who was also Osiris.#joke #short
Answering Machine Message 177
Hello. (Pause.) Hello? (Pause.) Hello! (Pause.) No, it doesn't look as if I'm in right now. Maybe you should leave a message at the beep or call me back later. BEEP. (Pause three seconds.) Just kidding, that wasn't really the beep. Are you ready now?
#joke #short
Bret Ernst: Blame America
Everybody likes to blame America for everything. What are we, only 233 years old? These other countries are thousands of years old. Not only did they not get it right, but a lot of times they screw up and ask us for help. Thats like a 90-year-old man asking a two-year-old for advice. #joke #short
I went to a ge...
I went to a geriatrics conference in the Everglades. I was attacked by goiters.#joke #short
My Stradivarius brand bike did...
My Stradivarius brand bike did not come with stopping devices. I had to install some to brake the cycle of violins.#joke #short
Self help...
A man walks into a book store and asks the clerk if she could tell him where the "self-help" area is.
She replied, "Of course I can, but that would defeat the purpose, now wouldn't it?"
#joke #short
Lisa Lampanelli: Two-Year Anniversary
Me and my black boyfriend, Daryl, just celebrated our two-year anniversary. Come on, folks, two years -- thats nine and a half years in black.#joke #short
Why are you so happy?" a woman...
Why are you so happy?" a woman asked the 98-year-old man. "I broke a mirror," he explained. "But that means seven years of bad luck," she told him. "I know," he grinned. "Isn't it wonderful?"#joke #short
My algebra prof and I went to ...
My algebra prof and I went to the lanes to throw a few balls. We are quite the parabowlers.#joke #short
Why did the blind chicken cros...
Why did the blind chicken cross the Road?Harris Stanton: Where Tax Dollars Go
You know where they do send your taxes? They give it to prisons, so prisoners can have weights to lift. You believe that? Weve got muggers and murderers, and theyre getting stronger. So when they get parole, they can mug your ass better than they did before they went in.#joke #short
